Yeast Infection Project Dogs Get Dumped
Boston - Boston's Brigham and Women's Hospital has dropped a controversial pilot program, Yeast Infection Project Dogs (YIPeD), where canines where being trained to quickly identify women with yeast infections. Hospital spokesperson Jane Macaulay sa...
Read full storyGreenspan to Raise Interest Rates by 25%
Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board Alan Greenspan today announced that the Fed is raising the prime lending rate (the rate charged by the Federal government to financial institutions) from 1% to a whopping 26%, bringing the interest rate from a 46...
Read full storyExperts find favor with Madonna's grass
ASHCOMBE, WILTSHIRE - Experts designated by the Countryside Office began examination today of Madonna's cannabis crop and they have found her grass to be "thoroughly smokeable and of a heightened potency not usually found in a homegrown prod...
Read full storyKerry, Seeking Jewish Votes, Roots, Changes Family Name Back to "Kohn"; Polls Go Haywire
(Boston, Massachusetts) Democratic presidential candidate John F. Kerry has changed his name to "John F. Kohn", saying that he wishes to both acknowledge his Jewish roots, and also convince wavering Jewish voters that "their rightful...
Read full storyMadonna ends land row "Rambling okay but no shagging"
ASHCOMBE, WILTSHIRE - Madonna and her husband have ended their row with the Countryside Agency and Ramblers' Association over sightseer rights to cross a designated area of her 1,200 acre retreat.
Read full storyResearchers Discover Eating is Hazardous to your Health
San Francisco, CA- According to the latest study by UCSF researchers, eating food in unhealthy. The study followed 200 men and women of...
Read full storyIsraeli-U.S. Laser Slices Off Part of Moon
JERUSALEM (FP) - A laser beam under joint Israeli-U.S. development missed a long-range rocket in the skies over the American Southwest and severed off a substantial chunk of the moon, Israel's Defense Ministry said on Friday.
Read full storyJay Leno dumps John Kerry for Johnny Depp
HOLLYWOOD - In a pre-election upset, Tonight Show host Jay Leno has dumped John Kerry and asked Johnny Depp to run in Kerry's place.
Read full storyRonald Dumsfeld Rejected by His Own Poetry, Has Spoonerism and Blather Fit
In a mit of fadness, Ronald Dumsfeld has finally cracked into spasms of ackbasswardness: "My poetry has become vull and noid, dull and toyed, obscure and oblique, inured and to seek. To know is to unknow, as knowing is never to have known the u...
Read full storyPope Offers ‘Buy One Get One Free' Catholic Weddings
The Vatican switchboard was jammed yesterday when the ageing Pontiff offered discounted terms for all weddings booked for this summer.
Read full storyAl Qaeda Appoints Bush Sultan
(Damascus, Syria) In an apparent attempt to embarrass American President George Bush, the Ruling Council of al Qaeda has appointed President Bush "Sultan of Terror," an honorary, adjunct position on the Ruling Council.
Read full storyTurkey Becomes Christian and Unites with Cyprus
Turkey Becomes Christian and Unites with Cyprus:...
Read full storyUrban Survivalists Thinning Out, Placed On Endangered Species List
WASHINGTON (FP) - Money grubbing capitalists added 288,000 jobs to their payrolls in April as the nation's unemployment rate slipped to 5.6 percent, forcing urban survivalists (homeless hobos) to abandon any and all excuses and actually go to wor...
Read full storyJohn Paul II To Retire - Become a Fill-In Bartender
The Vatican announced today that because of continuing bad health John Paul II would resign 1 June 2004 as Pope of the Roman Catholic Church.
Read full storyAdidas Creates Computerized 'Smart Shoe'
PORTLAND, Ore. - Adidas says it has created the world's first "smart shoe" by mating it with a computer chip so it will be able to give valuable information to person wearing it.
Read full storyDean Martin -- Back From the Dead; Pull of Bottle Proves Stronger Than Death
Friends and family members who once cursed Dean Martin's addiction to alcohol now are rejoicing over his habit.
Read full storyChief Justice Rehnquist to give Commencement Address, receive honorary degree.
Bob Jones University announced today that the commencement speaker for the 2004 Spring Graduation Ceremony will be Chief Justice William Rehnquist of the United States Supreme Court. A strong defender of the rights of families and the religious, Jus...
Read full storyLocal weather man goes ape after ill-predicted weekend forecast
Omaha, Nebraska- Stan Flowers a local weather man for WOAX channel 4, forecasted a bright sunny rain free weekend, weather great for the whole fami...
Read full storyNokia Acquires Kia Motors
Finland- Cellular phone giant Nokia has just announced its' recent acquisition for the year 2004, Kia Motors of Korea.
Read full storyMichael Jackson has 10,000th plastic surgery
Hollywood - Pop star Michael Jackson stunned the entertainment world today when he unveiled the results of his 10,000th plastic surgery procedure, during which something seems to have gone horribly wrong. However, the embattled pop star assured repo...
Read full storyMadonna not that talented according to researchers
London - The Institute for the Study of Not Very Good Things has released the results of its study focusing on pop-icon Madonna. The study concludes that Madonna is not very talented at all.
Read full story"Friends" airs final episode: Viewers urged to get a life
Hollywood - NBC Executives held a press conference today during which they formally said goodbye to the megahit sitcom Friends and told viewers to get a life.
Read full storyDavid Bowie cuts the Cheese!
London - David Bowie, whose sensuous voice and keen sense of showmanship helped create "glitter rock", hit the charts today with a new CD, entitled Cheese!...
Read full storyRumsfeld: "I'm mad at myself because . . . ( Hw'm I doing with this B.S., George?)"
4-7-04 - Donald Rumsfield, Defense Secretary, said today that he is "Mad at himself" for not having learned earlier of American abuses of Iraqi captives despite his having been told of them months earlier by his generals. He also said that he is "Mad at himself" for not having told the President about them until recently although he told the President about them months ago and...
Read full story‘Friends' Final Episode: A Big Disappointment
A Gallup poll commissioned by NBC competitor, The Spice Channel (?), finds that 90% of Spice Channel viewers were highly disappointed with the final episode of Friends.
Read full storyRumsfeld Under Fire From ASPCA
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld came under fire today amidst allegations leveled by The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty of Animals. Officials at the ASPCA argue that Rumsfeld's plan of training seeing-eye-Iraqi's undermine...
Read full storyMatt Lesko arrested for selling Federal Government secrets
Washington DC - Last week, Matthew Lesko was taken into custody by FBI agents. Lesko was unavailable for comment, however FBI representative Chambers had this to say: "Mr. Lesko has been soliciting government secrets for years. Right under our n...
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