Written by Linguini

Friday, 7 May 2004

image for Rumsfeld: "I'm mad at myself because . . . ( Hw'm I doing with this B.S., George?)"
"Stay the course (but don't ask me what it is because I don't know.)!"

4-7-04 - Donald Rumsfield, Defense Secretary, said today that he is "Mad at himself" for not having learned earlier of American abuses of Iraqi captives despite his having been told of them months earlier by his generals. He also said that he is "Mad at himself" for not having told the President about them until recently although he told the President about them months ago and the President told him to "Duct tape it shut!" He's also "Mad at himself" because although he told the President about the abuses months ago, the President is now telling the public that he's mad at him for "acting like he's got duct tape over his mouth and not telling me about the abuses until recently."
When asked what his plan was for a stable Iraq, Rumsfeld replied, "You'll have to ask George about that. I really don't know what's going on over there anymore. Never really did to start. I just fight wars, - you know, techno stuff. Maybe George knows, but he's never told me. Nor have I ever asked him. Geez, I'm just not one of those puddin'-headed 'inquiring minds' kind of guys, - you know, - like, er, uh, Powell! Now Colin, - he's another story. Always doubting everything! Always asking questions neither I nor George can answer. Colin's just a real negative kind of guy!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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