The ideal couple - Victoria and Rab C
Who says computers have no sense of humour? We asked the data manager of a leading computer dating agency to come up with the ideal celebrity couple, and to the utter amazement of everyone - except a member of staff who has actually met Victoria Bec...
Read full storyEveryone In World Wins Free Polyphonic Ringtone
In an amazing display of generosity, a web-based company has given away a free polyphonic ringtone to everyone in the whole wide world.
Read full storyFord to gift 1 million invisible cars
Ford Motors plans to manufacture 1 million invisible cars by early next year. The limited edition vehicles will be given away on a priority basis to morons, illiterate people, gangsters, scamsters and corrupt politicians. Others wanting to own one...
Read full storyBurl Ives ancestor true father of our country, say historians
WINDMILL, Va. -- Historians here at the Historian Center say new evidence reveals that an ancestor of the late celebrity Burl Ives was the true "father of our country."...
Read full storyHuge Tidal Wave Hits Johnstown, PA
Residents of Johnstown, Pennsylvania were shocked to wake up this morning and discover that a huge tidal wave of water had inundated the town. Johnstown, the scene of at least seventy five disastrous floods over the past 100 years lies several hundr...
Read full storyResearchers Shocked: Fat People Eat More
Scientists were shocked to discover that fat persons often eat more than thinner persons. In a study funded by the National Coalition of Large Persons and released on Friday, researchers announced that eighty seven percent of those studied who were...
Read full storyNew Home For Government
In light of possible threats, and keeping in mind the Capital Hill clearing chaos caused when Kentucky Governor Ernie Fletcher flew to the funeral for President Reagan in a plane the Air Force were briefly unable to identify, Congress has authorized...
Read full storyShoe Store Is Dog's Delight
Luthersville, GA - When Norris Bertram told neighbors he planned to open a shoe store next to his ‘appliance store' no one was too surprised. Bertram had long ago earned a reputation as an entrepreneurial eccentric in this middle Georgia town. For m...
Read full storyTexas Town to be a 'Safe Haven'
Dryfield, Texas - Dryfield Town Meeting on June 10 voted to adopt a 13-year-old Safe Haven home rule petition, which says the town will petition the Legislature to amend the Texas general laws to allow men to drop off their child at a fire station or police station when it's up to 13 years old. Texas will be the first state to adopt a safe haven law for unwanted teenagers.
Read full storyUSDA: Cocaine a "Fresh Vegetable"
WASHINGTON - According to a federal judge, pure, unadulterated cocaine is now a vegetable. However, the Agriculture Department said Tuesday that this classification will not apply to nutrition, and that a line of nose candy is no substitute for a ca...
Read full storyCrafty Kerry Woos Voters
Pittsburgh, PA, June 15, 2004. In a crafty move to win voter support for the November election, John Kerry announced that the first 26,000,000 voters casting their ballot for him would not have to pay their 2004 Federal Income Taxes. In an a...
Read full storyMan Saves Boy, Loses Job
An alert office worker in Fort Worth, Texas is credited with saving a drowning child's life. Tom Bisner, a draftsman with an engineering firm was in his office Monday when a co-worker noticed three children playing on a rock dam. As Mr. Bisner watche...
Read full storyUnpaid gas bill : US Ambassador evicted from Regents Park
(From Our Man at the Hanover Gate building site, Tuesday). Bailiffs, accompanied by officers of the Metropolitan Police Special Branch, this morning executed a search and evict warrant at Winfield House in the slightly prestigious Outer Circle area...
Read full storyDefining the sexes once and for all
Got your attention didn't I? Good, because I have a revelation to share with you good folks.
Read full storyRonnie admits he liked Newhart better
LOS ANGELES, Calif. -- Ron Reagan, son of former President Ronald Reagan, showed up at a local comedy club only a few days after his father's burial and began to perform telephone-conversation comedy routines made popular once by Bob Newhart.
Read full storyScientists In Cockroach Frenzy
Scientists in the north of Scotland have today warned householders, also in the north, to properly dispose of all household waste this summer, writes Jeremy Tax-Haven. The plea comes in a bid to stamp out an ever increasing, giant cockroach infestation. An epidemic which seems to plague towns and cities across the country during the hot, summer months.
Read full storyParanoia Club Closes
A social club, exclusive to paranoics, has had to close down this week after the government withdrew funding. The club made national headlines last month when it revealed that no-one had been invited to officiate, nor attend, the grand opening ceremony. Officials even refused to disclose the name, and location, of the club. An act which led to the government stepping in and withdrawing all...
Read full storyMichael Moore Praises Atkins' Diet
America's king of controversy has taken up the Atkins challenge in an attempt to gain more credibility for his work. In a statement, Moore said, "It's not easy being a serious director with my image. When people see me, they expect my films to be the...
Read full storyBush and Blair to record charity duet
ABBEY ROAD STUDIOS, LONDON - George Bush and Tony Blair are to record a duet to aid the people of Iraq.
Read full storyMed4You add to their Lifessential range
Pharmacutical company Med4You had the media in a lather this week with the planned launch of a new shampoo which they claim can "Wash away a brain tumour".
Read full storyMedics are already referring to it as the new black death
People have been embarrassing themselves since the beginning of time but what happens when the laughter stops and the bodies drop.
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush Addicted to Viagra!
THE WHITE HOUSE (AP) Richard Tubb, M.D., director of the White House Medical Unit and President Bush's personal physician told reporters that President George W. Bush had to undergo emergency treatment last night for an "uncontrolled erectio...
Read full storyTSA Announces Corporate Sponsor Program to Boost '05 Budget
Washington correspondents learned this week that the Transportation Security Administration has obtained clearance from its parent agency, the Department of Homeland Security, to sign "sponsor" contracts with private corporations. The contr...
Read full storySupreme Court tells atheist to go to hell
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Supreme Court has ruled to preserve the phrase "one nation, under God," in the Pledge of Allegiance, saying that a California atheist who challenged the phrase should accept it or go to hell.
Read full storyOfficial Clinton portrait does nothing for his image
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Most people were shocked when President Bush revealed the newly painted portrait of former President Clinton and it looked nothing like him (see photo).
Read full storyCalls To 9-1-1 Now Offer Voice Mail Options
Callers utilizing emergency telephone services such as 9-1-1 will no longer have immediate access to a live person, based on telephone company research indicating that callers are so accustomed to voice mail and e-mail that they become flustered and...
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