Euro-gaff sparks international row
Britain's Euro-elections have become the centre of a major international rumpus.
Read full storyNader bores himself sick
BUCKWORTHY, Md. -- Presidential candidate and consumer advocate Ralph Nader was rushed to a hospital during a campaign speech.
Read full storyDukakis Makes New Bid for Nomination!
Boston (AP) Former Governor Michael Dukakis says he will make one last bid for the Presidential race. Speaking before a large gathering of losers from the Democratic National Committee, Mr. Dukakis said, "I got a raw deal last time. My advisors...
Read full storyDonald Duck dead at 70
ORLANDO, Fla. -- Donald Duck, world-famous cartoon duck and stalwart of the Disney animation empire, is dead at 70.
Read full storyNASA To Delay Safety Fixes Until After Next Disaster
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fl. --NASA will continue flying crews to the International Space Station despite more than 800 known safety violations, some of which could destroy the outpost or kill a crew.
Read full storyBritney claims she is 'queen' of show biz
NUSSBAUM, La. -- Britney Spears has announced she is the queen of show business and will reign until her death.
Read full storySenor Wences Big Hit on Jay Leno
BURBANK, CA (AP) The audience on the "Tonight Show" was treated to a live performance by Senor Wences and his friends Johnny and Pedro. The 105-year-old ventriloquist from Spain had been recently fired by Ed Sullivan after Pedro (the voice...
Read full storySmarty Investment Finally Pays
Release June 10, 2004: Your local Staples Office Supply Superstore is now selling the Smarty Glue Stick. Losing the Belmont Stakes, and ultimately the coveted, and elusive, Triple Crown, "Someone had to pay," said owner and maj...
Read full storyGOP's new secret weapon to help George Bush
Weekly Reagan Funeral to be announced...
Read full storyBush Administration to Require New IQ Testing of Top Officials But With Major Exceptions
In the face of continued crumbling support for the Cheney-Bush 2004 ticket, George W announced today that all federal employees take and pass a new IQ test to assure their mental competency for the job. When asked what, in essence, is the new test,...
Read full storySpears Cancels Tour After Injuring Knee
NEW YORK (Reuters) -- Pop princess Britney Spears underwent arthroscopic knee surgery in New York on Wednesday after injuring herself during a late-night video shoot, according to her record label.
Read full storyRed Barber Teaches All About Sports
BROOKLYN, NY (AP) Don't know what teams are playing in the World Series this time around...? Don't know how long a football field is...? Are you constantly embarrassed by all the guys at the office who seem to know everything about sports... and you...
Read full storyTerrorism Added To Olympic Games
In a last minute effort to head off any potential problems relating to terrorism at the Summer 2004 Athens Olympic Games, Jacques Rogge, President of the IOC, announced today that Terrorism would be introduced this year as a competitive sport in the...
Read full storyMartha Stewart flees country with Michael Jackson
NEW YORK - In an eleventh hour decision, Martha Stewart and Michael Jackson have fled the country for more forgiving shores and, according to a source in the French government, both are now official residents of France with no fears of extradi...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush Declares Martial Law
President George W. Bush has taken the unique step of declaring Martiall Law without the country having either been attacked or being under imminent threat of attack. Administration Officials, concerned about falling public opinion polls and the real...
Read full storyBest Western Hotels to Install Telephones in Every Room!
PHOENIX, Arizona (AP) Best Western Hotels announced this morning that phone service would be made available to each and every guest --- right in their hotel room! Already a recognized leader among international hotel chains for such innovations as f...
Read full storyTIVO captures Ted Kennedy Costume Malfunction
Washington, D.C. - Senator Ted Kennedy apologized Monday to anyone who was offended when his pierced left breast was exposed during an interview in the capital building.
Read full storyAll the President's Thespians
Bush may have taken his combat show on the road, but critics aren't exactly wowed! Although the 9-11 travesty catapulted him into the big time early on in his stage career, his performance is vaudevillian at best. As an actor, he delivers lines with the passion of a ventriloquist's dummy.
Read full storyChildren's Puppet Show Boring, Childish, and Offensive Say Adults
Critics throughout New York are in an uproar over the scientific and historical inaccuracies of Avenue Q, a new theater show targeted towards children under the age of five.
Read full storyMing the Merciless unveils "diabolical" plan to conquer Earth
Mongo - The world was briefly terrified today in the aftermath of a newsflash announcement from none other than Emperor Ming of Mongo, the sinister tyrant of the 1930's serial "Flash Gordon", who demanded that Earth's rulers abdicate to him or face t...
Read full storySARS Virus Commits Suicide
BEIJING, China -- The SARS virus has committed suicide, confirmed officials of the People's Infectious Diseases Center in Beijing. At 7:22 AM local time on Wednesday, June 9 (23:22 GMT, June 8), lead scientist of the center, Dr. Kiu Da Miba, corrobo...
Read full storyBush Opens New Front in War on Terror
Washington, D.C. - "It is with great sorrow, I must announce that -- in furtherance of the war on terror -- the United States will immediately begin bombing Langley Virginia," President Bush told a shocked crowd of reporters hastily called to the Whi...
Read full storyBush Commission's Probe to Mars to Look for WMD
American President, George W. Bush, - determined to find at least one weapon of mass destruction having anything to do with Iraq, recently commissioned NASA to "fly to Mars to unearth any weapons of mass destruction there!", contending that...
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