Euro-gaff sparks international row

Funny story written by Harry Porter

Thursday, 10 June 2004

image for Euro-gaff sparks international row
Blunkett and reality - Poles apart

Britain's Euro-elections have become the centre of a major international rumpus.

A gaff by Home Secretary David Blunkett threw Thursday's big UK vote into turmoil.

Speaking on the BBC mid-morning, Mr Blunkett stressed he was against Britain going to the polls and urged all viewers to back him.

"I'm firmly against this," he emphasised, "I don't understand why all political leaders are united on this, it doesn't make sense. I believe everyone out there does not want to go to the polls."

His comments stunned the country as all parties had been urging everyone to exercise their democratic rights to shape the UK's policy within the EC and determine where Brits see themselves lying on the Continent - whether it's with Old Europe, New Europe, Young Europe, Adolescent Europe or Delinquent Europe.

As his comments spread like wildfire through the media, Mr Blunkett hastily convened a press conference in London's Dorchester Hotel.

And in front of a packed audience, the Home Secretary justified his controversial stance.

"I know this has come as a shock and I want to stress it is nothing personal," he stated. "They were good and trusted wartime allies and I know they have just been admitted to the EC, but why Britain would want to hand itself over to the Poles is beyond me.

"Don't get me wrong, I like kapusniak (a tasty cabbage soup) and vodka, in moderation is…"

At that moment aides rushed to his side and one was seen whispering in his ear.

Mr Blunkett visibly blanched, adding: "I seem to have made a mistake; that's the trouble when you have someone just read out the newspaper headlines."

He then whistled to his guide dog, and was ushered out of the building.

Parties of every political hue have lined up at the hustings - from the British National Party (which wants to return everyone to their great-grandfather's hometown) to the Scottish Socialist Party (which wants to nationalise the Nationals). Early predictions are, despite Blunkett's blunder, a solid turnout of voters.

However, Poland's ambassador to the UK has lodged an official complaint with Downing Street, claiming the Home Secretary's gaff showed a bias against the country's fledgling membership of the EC, further damaged Poland's soft fruit industry and was typical of the attitude which saw its troops under-represented in the film ‘A Bridge Too Far'.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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