And finally, Moby is a monkey.
That's right. Moby is a monkey. A simian musician. A primate philanthropist. A banana diet denizen of NYC. Moby Moby, of NYC, is a monkey. He has ears. He has a mouth with which to eat bananas and ants and the like. He has eyes with which to see nits on the other monkey's heads. He runs about in a very monkeyish way. He is friends with Michael Moore, as many monkeys are. That is no...
Read full storyPresident Grows Beard, Calls Self Osama Bin Bushy
In a move that will surely shock most sane people living in almost all the developed countries, George W. Bush has grown extensive facial hair (using miracle Hair Club For Men formula only available to presidents and those who are balding) and has ch...
Read full storyPublic Enthralled By Rover Close-ups
Ever since NASA began releasing new images of the Martian surface the world has been rather dismayed. The worries need not continue however, NASA has heeded the public outcry. "Fine, here are the rock closeups." said NASA spokeswoman Jacquelyn Ba...
Read full story"Complete Idiots Guide" Publishers File Bankruptcy
Alpha Books, publishers of the best-selling line of "Complete Idiots Guide" how to books, has announced that lagging sales have forced them to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection today. In an official press release, Alpha cited lagging sales,...
Read full storyIt's in the genes
Scientists from the US Institute of genetics in Utah have today released documents on there highly controversial research into behavioral attitudes in humans. These documents detail a breakthrough by the institute claiming that they have isolated the...
Read full storyNanny State to provide State Nannies
General Secretary Tony Blair today hinted that the oft-mentioned "Nanny State" is about to become a reality. Mr Blair made an announcement during a Downing Street finger buffet reception for one-legged lesbians of colour with learning diffi...
Read full storyMan Anally Probed by Aliens Over 100 Times!
Rob Johnson isn't a bashful man. When asked, he will readily show you the damaged anus left behind by over 100 anal probes administered by aliens. Rob holds the world record with most ever reported anal probings. With over 113 in all and over 20...
Read full storyPETA Activists Recovering
The sixteen PETA activists that were injured last weekend at an animal rights demonstration in Modesto, California are "all doing fine", says Mercy Hospital's chief orthopedic surgeon, Wallace Fenturi. Fourteen are scheduled to be relea...
Read full storyRumsfeld: "Killing is human nature, you liberal surrender monkeys"
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld put a political foot in the wrong leatherette marching boots today when questioned about Tuesday's car bombing in Iraq, that killed about 50 people. In his infinite wisdom, Rumsfeld suggested that there are murders i...
Read full storyFertility ‘a blight on everyday life'
Having children ruins almost all aspects of everyday life, according to a report. The study, by the British Medical Association, says having children has caused anxiety, panic and even death in millions of men and women aged 13-50.
Read full storyJohn-Jacob Jingleheimer-Smith Convention To Be Held In Disneyland
In news that may shock, appal and delight, the First John-Jacob Jingleheimer-Smith Convention is set to be hosted in Disneyland. The convention, as announced by John Jacob-Jingleheimer Smith yesterday, is "invite only" for other peop...
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