Fertility ‘a blight on everyday life'

Funny story written by Dan Holmes

Wednesday, 11 February 2004

Having children ruins almost all aspects of everyday life, according to a report. The study, by the British Medical Association, says having children has caused anxiety, panic and even death in millions of men and women aged 13-50.

Being a parent is responsible for millions of overdrafts, reduces the chances of successfully living to a ripe old age and is implicated in cases of people going bonkers.
The BMA is calling for tough anti-children measures, including help for pregnant women to avoid giving birth.
The report concludes that the problems caused by having children occur throughout reproductive life - from puberty to middle age.

Not only can children prevent people enjoying themselves, the report says, it can also damage their health. It says children reduce the chances of parents becoming millionaires by up to 100%.

And women who have children are three times more likely to have their wombs fall out. Falling wombs are set to become a traffic hazard in some parts of the country.
Dr Hilda van Strump, the BMA's Head of Discouraging People, said: "The degree of damage that children cause to financial and adult health is appalling.

"People are vaguely aware that having children causes problems, but we need to get the message across much more powerfully.

"Men and women who delude themselves into thinking they might want to start a family one day should start smoking now."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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