Clinton and Mandela Sex Allegations
Nelson Mandela and Bill Clinton, two diametrically opposite characters, were exposed by a White House 'insider', who allegedly claims that they had 'sex' in the Oval Office.
Read full storyBorder Burning Causes Chaos
The world is in the midst of a terrorist crisis. The implications of this are now apparently going to be much more serious after it was discovered that many groups are planning "border burning", which can cause all kinds of logistical chao...
Read full storyTony Blair tests drugs
The House of Commons, that most respectable assembly that governs the once glorious country of Great Britain, gave its unqualified support for compulsory drugs testing, yesterday.
Read full storyLoving Feeling Lost In Kent
A woman is distraught after discovering that her husband doesn't close his eyes any more when she kisses his lips.
Read full storyBeckham in shock alien transfer
Bert Wilson claimed that he was the victim of a cruel prank, carried out by alien beings.
Read full storyTony the Tiger Mauls Pop of Snap Crackle Fame
Pop, the cheeky little fella from the Rice Krispies adverts, has been mauled to death by Tony the Tiger following years of enforced vegetarianism.
Read full storyHamiltons Face Fresh Sexual Deviance Charge
United Nations President Kofi Annan issued a plea for calm today amid claims that disgraced former Tory MP Neil Hamilton and his wife Christine sexually assaulted the island of Tonganoma during an official government visit in 1993.
Read full storySteven Gately Considers Return To Closet
In a dramatic change of heart, Boyzone member Stephen Gately is poised to announce that he is straight.
Read full storyBus Ticket sweeps the board in degree show
At an Art Student Degree show yesterday "Bus Ticket" by Jimmy Trucker won all honours available. Esteemed critic, Hersh Klownofski said, "Look at the beautiful use of colours, purple on white. Visionary. This piece really speaks to me.
Read full storyComputer illiterates fight back!
Geriatric computer users are forming a world-wide revolution against pimply-faced know-it-all's in local ISP tech support companies.
Read full storyTeenager admits daft stunt not influenced by TV
A teenager yesterday admitted that a ludicrously stupid stunt he had pulled was completely his own idea and not at all influenced by TV or films.
Read full storyBoy Stalked By Old Actor
Police are to launch an investigation after a boy of 12 told them an elderly actor had been stalking him at a rugby match. The incident took place at Esher rugby ground in Surrey last month.
Read full storyPlanet of the Apes Movie Further Confuses Teenager
The new Mark Wahlberg movie Planet of the Apes has come under fire for adding to a teenage boys sexual confusion.
Read full storyBidding Ends On Kidman-Cruise Divorce Jokes
CBS' The Late Show with David Letterman has emerged the victor in the most heated jokes auction in entertainment history.
Read full story'Mullet not real' Shocker!
It has emerged from Eastern Europe that the mullet was actually a figment of the Western imagination.
Read full storySchwazeneggar terminates cigar contract
Phillip Morris is sueing Arnold Schwazeneggar for breach of contract. It seems the giant tobacco company contracted Arnold as it's spokesperson for it's new line of cigar, The Terminator.
Read full storyBritish Dance Unhealthy
A survey published this week has found the state of British dance music to be very unhealthy.
Read full storyOf Men And Scientists
A team of British scientists will announce a major breakthrough in the study of animal communications in a report to be published later today.
Read full storyCritic Sez The Media is 'Pap and Useless'
Shocking news for all us news fans. Some buffed-up critic called Funky Spyglass has described our television as "pap" and the Internet as "useless".
Read full storyBaggies face Flack
Baggies boss Gary Megson is reportedly preparing £250000 bid for Exeter striker Steve Flack.
Read full storyNostradamus Foresaw Uri Gellar and Kurt Russell
According to prophecies by Nostradamus, uncovered for the first time since the 16th century, Uri Gellar is set to rise to prominence in the world of astrophysics, and become one of the most under-estimated minds in history.
Read full storyFoot And Mouth Crisis Thickens
Cumbria farmer Arthur Sidebottom today shocked the agricultural community by suggesting radical reforms as the county's farmers prepare to restock their farms following the foot-and-mouth crisis.
Read full storyNHS - Government Resolute On Overseas Treatment
Prime Minister Tony Blair today defended his government's apparent U-turn on allowing NHS patients to be treated abroad. "We are a pan European community," said Mr Blair. "Why shouldn't patients be treated in Germany or Franc...
Read full storyMTV Generation Gone; Youth Embrace Heffer
Kids all over Britain are rejecting the MTV culture that has been so prominent among the yoof since the 1980s. These kids, known by many as the 'Lost Tongue-Studs', were saved from desperation only by forming a cult around the hard-nosed pol...
Read full storyGeorge Lucas Unmasked As Renegade Space Historian
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, the biggest interstellar grave robbery, since the rape of the fifth moon of Pluto, was executed by a fiendish and conniving weasel named George Lucas.
Read full storyColeman & Lewis hit the big screen
Who would have thought that these two arch rivals would agree to do a movie together? Gary Coleman and Emmanuel Lewis team up in this years comedy adventure Lil Dicks.
Read full storyYoung Couple Wiped Out After Restuarant Blaze!
A young couple paid the ultimate price for trying to sneak out of a restaurant last weekend without paying their bill.
Read full storyCoffee Remains Unmade As Intern Numbers Fall
The National intern shortage worsened last night as new appointments fell for the third time in as many months.
Read full storyOld Firm to join Rollerball League
As confusion hangs over their entry into the English Premiership, Celtic and Rangers have turned elsewhere in their desperate attempt to finish 7th and 8th in the league by moving to America to join one of the successful Rollerball leagues.
Read full storyJolly Green Giant 'On Steroids'
The jolly green giant has tested positive in a random drugs test last night. Police say they have detected large amounts of the growth-inducing steroid Amoxoflacin in his blood.
Read full storyCountdown To New Show
Channel 4 is working on a new hip-hop version of the popular numbers and letters game Countdown which will be called Word.
Read full storyTeenage Girl 76% Compatible With Josh Hartnett
A simple numerical test has proven that 14 year old Kayleigh Roberts of Atlanta, Georgia is 76% compatible with the actor Josh Hartnett.
Read full storyGlobal Warming Was A Hoax
Scientists have messed up again! Their normally normal complexions have turned reddish due to embarrassment. The Armageddonistic theory of Global Warming was a scamfake cunningly constructed by a man who works in a field! The evildoers behind this sc...
Read full storyStar Trek - Guilty
Star Trek fans reacted with horror today as the US Federal Court returned a guilty verdict against the show's producers over cruelty to crewmembers in red sweaters.
Read full storyArt Gallery stunned by installation forgery
An installation by renowned artist Herman Footzgerbil at the Tate Gallery was today exposed as a forgery. 'Bedsheet Rockery' a pile of rocks covered by a bedsheet, was discovered not to be by Footzgerbil but by a master-forger named Ron McTas...
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