Border Burning Causes Chaos

Funny story written by Rodd Justice

Friday, 5 October 2001

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The world is in the midst of a terrorist crisis. The implications of this are now apparently going to be much more serious after it was discovered that many groups are planning "border burning", which can cause all kinds of logistical chaotics.Intelligence sources discovered the practice last week, where a terrorist group sets fire to a border. Many have tried to burn down international borders, effectively merging countries together.

One group succeeded to raze the Bulgaria-Rumania border to the ground in 1998. For a short while, 2 became 1 and a new nation called Double Bulgaru was in existence. Things were mainly fine, people revelled in the new country, but the political elites had trouble re-adjusting. The Presidents of the two countries ended up bickering and fighting - the Bulgarian President would often jog the arm of his Rumanian counterpart when he was signing important decrees.

The un-natural alliance of a scorched border came between the countries' leaders, and diplomatic relations have been frosty ever since. The Bulgarian President, Myname Endswithav, changed the words of his national anthem to "Rumania has a President, He is an oaf's chipmunk" (refrained several times).

But all that stuff happened in poorer countries than us. What really matters is the much smaller attacks that could happen here, and put my nose out of joint.

The postal service across Europe and the US fears a spate of "Postcode De-Making", typical of the militant group "Slam Dunk You Poverty". This group are believed to be responsible for the attack on New York City that was the "Harlem Globe-Trotters".

Postcode de-marking involves the burning to the ground of the logistical zones these codes related to. Once these are reduced to nothing but rubble, the Postal Workers then can't deliver our letters quickly nor our fragile parcels intact. Sometimes, they will even be delivered to the wrong address, and the parcel will never be received!

I bet none of us could imagine a world where this kind of thing could happen! And if this does happen?well, I'll be on the scene right away, getting the human-interest story exclusives.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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