Wal-Mart door greeter, Jon McBain, who local folks claim looks very much like a thinner, angrier version of former Presidential Candidate John McCain, committed suicide this morning while greeting customers. "It was crazy," said Seth Bishop,...
In lower Manhattan, on their day off from the manly, sweaty, testosterone filled game of baseball, Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez were spotted by fans at a high class café. "I could see them through the large glass pane," said self-proclaim...
Discovered six miles beyond an electronic barrier set up in Lake Michigan, the first Asian Carp has set off alarm bells at the Army Corps of Engineers. The Asian Carp is well known as a destructive species capable of annihilating an entire ec...
As reported in Rolling Stone, General McChrystal's entourage nicknamed itself, "Team America" after the film of the same name by South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone. In the movie, "Team America," the members of the team routinely used the...
In a daring move to help his beleaguered troops out of their dire predicament in Afghanistan, Supreme Allied Commander Barack Obama decreed that NATO troops be equipped with the infamous Vuvuzela in place of the standard assault rifle. Whit...
General Stanley McChrystal, the Top U.S. War Commander in Afghanistan apologized for his role in a, "Rolling Stone" article in which he is quoted as being highly critical of the Obama Administration. From a desolate firebase on the Pakistan b...
The greatest Man, Lover, Warrior, and Football player of all time, Kim Jung Ill, has declared, "Ultimate Victory," in North Korea's bid to win the 2010 World Cup, despite the fact that ESPN is reporting that North Korea was eliminated by Portugal 7-0...
It is no secret that Americans, especially those of the Conservative element, neither understand nor care for the sport which is actually known as Football to the rest of the world. However, there are many avid soccer fanatics within the United Stat...
Many Centuries ago, Muslim invaders of Europe brought their Arabic numerals with them, unintentionally setting off Western scientific breakthroughs which have continued to the present day. "It was rather difficult to do long division or ev...
It turns out that Nostradamus and the ancient Mayans had a lot more in common than previously known. Thanks to top notch anthropology graduate students from the University of Nevada, Reno, it has been revealed that the year 2012 will be the end of o...
It is no secret that Tiger's golf game has not been the same since the Thanksgiving Day incident in which he had the hell beaten out him by his putter-wielding wife. Following a lengthy investigation into his sexual history, Mr. Woods under went an...
Printing more greenbacks than ever before, the presses at several of the Nation's currency factories have had to be shut down due to large plumes of smoke wafting from the internal gears which provide their power. "It's just not a good situat...
With Democrat chances looking rather slim for the upcoming election in November, Barney Frank, a staunch and loyal member of his party, is considering life after politics. "I nevwhere con sid whered dis beff whare in my wife," said Barney Fra...
Failing in her attempt to sail around the world, sixteen year old Abby Sunderland was rescued by a ready, willing and able group of young Somali Pirates who had managed to sail several thousand miles out of their own jurisdiction just for the privile...
After paying several thousand pounds for travel fare and tickets to the World Cup in South Africa, lorry driver Jon Hanford of London only had a few pounds remaining to spend on beer. As an experienced football fan accustomed to mass consumption of...
After years of speculation it has been revealed under the Freedom of Information Act that Senator Joe Liebermann of Connecticut really is the guy who played the father in the NBC hit series, "ALF." The show featured a cute little puppet that...
With limited access to cocaine and alcohol, O.J. Simpson has used his prison time to get back into top NFL form. Prison Guard Jason Ramirez of Elko, Nevada is amazed by his progress. "Do you remember back in the late seventies there was tha...
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