Discovered six miles beyond an electronic barrier set up in Lake Michigan, the first Asian Carp has set off alarm bells at the Army Corps of Engineers.
The Asian Carp is well known as a destructive species capable of annihilating an entire ecosystem within days. "That's why time is so critical right now," said Colonel Johnson. "Let's face it, if we've found one, there have to be others. As soon as I found out about it I got on the Red Phone and called up Bill Murray."
Bill Murray, famous for his role, as "Carl," the groundskeeper, marijuana grower/smoker, and, "vermin cong-hunter," in the movie, "Caddy Shack," took no mercy upon gophers and he is expected to be even more ruthless with the Asian Carp.
From Los Angeles International Airport, Mr. Murray was quoted as saying, "Tell you what we're gonna do. We're gonna suck the bastards out of Lake Michigan and drop them right on top of the fucking oil spill. That way we kill two birds with one stone."
