With limited access to cocaine and alcohol, O.J. Simpson has used his prison time to get back into top NFL form.
Prison Guard Jason Ramirez of Elko, Nevada is amazed by his progress. "Do you remember back in the late seventies there was that Hertz Rental Car commercial that OJ used to do where he was running through an airport terminal, so fast that no one could catch him? Well, that's exactly how he is here everyday, I mean man, that boy can run like no one's business."
In a recent prison yard scrimmage, very much like the one depicted in the movie, "The Longest Yard," starring Burt Reynolds, OJ gained three hundred and thirty six yards on just fifteen carries, causing NFL scouts to take notice.
"I saw the whole game from up here in the tower," said Ramirez. "I thought he was going to escape one time, and he's lucky I didn't put a round in his ass. But I'm glad the Eagles are picking him up, they're my favorite team. With OJ out there, they can make it to the Super Bowl for sure."
