Following a strong recommendation by the Science and Technology Committee of Parliament, British residents have taken their government's health recommendations to heart, cutting daily drinking activities by more than 50% "We felt an obligation to...
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Word on the streets of LaLaLand is that the X-Factor mogul and judge Simon Cowell is contemplating making a big change for next season. According to iRumors Cowell AKA "The Prince of Put Downs" stated that he has received lots of...
Not an international football summary, but just another day on the international business circuit. Brazil futures have taken a turn for the better, Hungary's debt situation forced a downgrade by Standard & Poor and British Airways wins bid for a...
Martin Johnson has effectively quit his post as full-time ambassador for the managerial return of Sir Clive Woodward after resigning from his position as manager of the England Rugby Union team. Johnson, who in 2008 began his sustained campaign fo...
Chiswick's leading football pundit was confidently predicting that England will win the 2014 World Cup tournament at a canter, following the three lions dramatic 1-0 Wembley victory over reigning world champions Spain. "Lamps is still only 33," Ju...
Wayne Rooney is primed to deliver a string of his most effective England performances in years after manager Fabio Capello revealed he would be benching the striker for the build-up to Euro 2012 after being sent off in Montenegro on Friday. The It...
London UK: A 16th century manuscript has been discovered in the basement of the British Museum (similar to the American Smithsonian Institution) describing a daring English raid into France over a plagiarized publication. Sir Mark of Cornwall was...
An earthquake measuring three point seven on the Richter scale has finally achieved what several decades of political wrangling between Scottish and English politicians has been unable to do: split Scotland from England. "The earthquake was only s...
The people of the Welsh City of Swansea are waking up today to the news that their councillors have applied to become an English city. "Well," said councillor Rhod O'Steel, putting on a fake Cockney accent (badly), "Our ffootball team is in the Pr...
In an unprecedented move, the FA are expected to field a team of naturalised Poles to represent England in the upcoming World Cup qualifying round against Poland. The move comes as English born players, heavily criticised in the press for their ex...
In the aftermath of the attack on Rupert Murdoch today the National Pie in the Face Association once again strongly defended the right of all citizens to own custard pies. Morpheus Crown, nation chairman of the NPITFA, strongly condemned the unpr...
In a recent, totally impartial survey by English people, England was overwhelmingly voted as the best country in the world. One of the reasons England scored so high was our inventive skills. Amongst many other things, we invented time. Without time nothing else could be invented, so by default we pretty much invented everything. We invented America, Australia, and Canada, (apart from the sh...
There was a surprise for a passenger on a bus in the Thai capital of Bangkok this morning when, as his bus came to a halt to pick up more passengers, he noticed an old woman sitting at the stop wearing a pink flowery long skirt and flip-flops complem...
Fresh from England, the country that can't figure out how to merge cold and hot water in one tap, or safely install electrical outlets in a bathroom, comes the news that all pornographic "squirting" movies are banned in the UK, claiming that, instead of showing female ejaculation, it is in reality depicting "golden showers" or "Piss-Play"(1). "Since the NHS(2) has reported that there is no such...
The Football Association's executive board has agreed to abstain in the vote to decide whether or not to continue with Fabio Capello as England manager. FA Chairman David Bernstein explained : "All members of the executive board were unanimous...
Victorious SNP leader Alex Salmond has moved quickly to deny that there is any anti English bias in his party. The First Minister stated : "Despite our comprehensive victory in the elections which gave us a clear majority in Holyrood, I can rea...
There was uproar in the House of Commons last Wednesday during question time. The question put by Patrick Freeman seemed to many, naive and out of sync with the House's pragmatic approach to questions of governance; but its effect was undeniable. He had asked if government would take active measures to curb "national gullibility" in the wake of a general world wide acknowledgement of the...
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