Reports are coming in that crocked serial philanderer Ashley Cole has been sending explicit text messages to Swedish speed-skating sensation Ivana Phuque after seeing her on TV From what we have been able to ascertain, there is no evidence to sugg...
Ashley Cole is rumoured to have turned to blonde Swedish speed skater Ivana Phuque when his marriage began to get him down. The Chelsea and England left back probably sobbed as he might have said: "I needed a shoulder-and a big pair of breasts-to...
London - (Offside Mess): Have a fiendish she-devil's pheromones cursed the brains of Chelsea Football Club players? Management was forced to call in FA 'ghostbusters' after a spectral apparition was seen in the players' steam-room. Cackling hor...
Sheryl Cole is fast-tracking her divorce to Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole, stating that she does not want any of his fortune, and just wants to rid herself of the bad memories. The Newcastle born singer won't be able to completely rid herself of...
This week we're in search of the mysterious, mystical manatee. This lovely animal was quite a sex symbol in its day. Indeed, the manatee's aura of glamour illuminates a very special ante room of natural history (it has its own odour too, as well as an aura, though that hardly smacks of glamour). The manatee is a refreshing thing to contemplate these days. It makes a pleasant change from Cheryl...
The world of football was rocked to its foundations today with the shock dropping of Chelsea Left Back, Ashley Cole, from the Girls Aloud 5-A-Side competition. Cole, who shares a name with fellow Chelsea player, Joe, was dropped after straying off...
British TV personality and singer Cheryl Cole is splitting up with her husband Ashley as reported on Yahoo, Drudge and several sites today. In sending our own reporter, Ass Reporter, Danny Hilliard, someone accepted a little contribution to give...
The Siamese twins Ashley and Cheryl Cole have undergone an operation to separate them. Doctors at the Mass Media, Hype and Ring You Agent Hospital spent several hours working to free the pair. Hospital spokesman Clax Mifford said "It's early days...
Cheryl Cole, who by now surely needs no introduction, arrived back at Heathrow this morning, where it became quickly apparent that not everybody in this country stands by her as she endures a very public marital crisis. Still reeling from revelati...
Cheryl Cole has announced that she is dropping husband Ashley Cole from the team. This comes following several away games where he was clearly caught offside. His defense leaked own goals and Cheryl feels that she needs a new team mate in order to av...
Ashley Cole is accused of trying to hush up an affair. Ronnie Corbett, the pint sized star of The Two Ronnies and Sorry has come forward to reveal all. Corbett said "I never knew he was married. Our producer would be most shocked to find this out...
Nobbled footy star Ashley Cole told Chelsea team-mate and fellow target of media vitriol John Terry, that he was inspired by Tiger Woods impressively choreographed and butt clenchingly embarrassing public apology to wife, Elin, and his sponsors for p...
LONDON - The United Kingdom Commission of Northern Newspaper Publishers, which is based in Manchester, has just announced that its 73-member organization has overwhelmingly voted Simon Cowell and Cheryl Cole as the winners of its yearly "Most Ideal C...
Mimi Le Boeuf 49, real name Sandra Flisspap of Newington Butts claimed that the famous - and fabulously wealthy - Chelsea duo were "stupid jerks" when it came down to selecting partners with whom to conduct extra-marital dalliances, and that their ch...
Miss Russia 1917, Olga Wrinkleova, has come forward to reveal that she is yet another of Ashley Cole's conquests. Olga, a former Miss Russia, claims the liaison, conducted entirely by text message, took place before a Russia v England football ma...
LONDON - Chelsea and England footballer Ashley Cole emailed his wife Cheryl from their mansion in Surrey to the five-star Bloomin' Begonia Blooms Hotel in Central London, where she is staying. Ashley told his wife, who is scheduled to perform at t...
LONDON - Once upon a time in merry ole' England Cheryl and Ashley Cole were the land of Shakespeare's most popular and happiest couple, other than Charlie and Cammy of course. But then the cold, frigid, British biting winter wind hit and it litera...
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