It has emerged today that Her Royal Trout, The Queen Elizabeth of Ye Olde England, has been trying to pawn her "rather elaborate and heavy crown" through several pawn shops in the London area. Following a recent investigation into Her Majesties ap...
London - (Reuterus & Bad Ass Mess): Former Swazi Justice Minister Ndumiso Mamba has been caught hiding in the Queen's bed at Buckingham Palace it has been reviled - er...revealed! "We caught the bastard under the bedclothes of Her Majesty's fo...
London - (Day of Judgement Mess): The terminal astrological activity may trigger a right royal RIP disaster Palace lackeys said today. The likelihood of HM trying to replicate Gareth Williams' hide-and-seek caper with a copycat fatal bagging-up st...
Queen Elizabeth of Great Britain has converted to Catholicism. Her Majesty's subjects learned the news when Buckingham Palace issued a statement. Those subjects who are Catholic rushed out on to the streets where they fell to their knees in pra...
A secret dossier has been leaked onto WikiLeaks about the Pope's real plans for his visit to the UK. As part of his visit he will visit Queen Elizabeth, who is head of the Church of England, a sect of Christianity that broke away during Henry VIII's...
Scotland - (Prenup Mess): With a grim-faced Duke of Edinburgh looking daggers there is clearly zero chance of any Wayne Rooney-style threesome shenanigans this weekend. "Besides," papal wet nurse Msgr Gangswine explained, "the Pope is pooped. Mile...
Edinburgh - (Portents): Will Mrs Ratzinger actually show at the airport on Turdsday to welcome nutty wackjob spouse Pope Joe Ratzinger? An expert in satanic possession said today ancient curses have hexed such a meeting, citing the Turd Secret of...
London - (Hellfire News): The satanic frights body has issued a fat war (sic) condemning the needless public suffering behind prolonging Old Fatty Mountbatten's heinously sordid life. Recommendations for her immediate extradition to a Swiiss eutha...
Scotland - (Portents): The IRAs 23166+1655-designated dust spiral in the constellation of Pegasus was spotted by the Hubble telescope this morning. The phenomenon, known as a pre-planetary nebula, is a classic prelude to a super star's end, tradi...
Nick Clegg's days as deputy prime-minister are numbered. In fact his days are numbered full stop after the queen issued a warrant for his execution. Apparently Her Majesty had been playing drinking games with David Cameron and Russell Brand (don't...
London - (Smoking Gun News): The Russian roulette event propelled Blair to royal funeral stardom as the Great British nation went bonkers with grief. A witness to the incident said today the Queen was woken in her bed and told to 'hand over everyt...
Scotland - (Rioters): Sudden terminal ingrowing toenail syndrome has hit the Queen this weekend. Three relentless gaga-googoo days in the company of the PM and family has seen HM sicken for something. Courtiers say it was bad enough when Cherr...
Balmoral - (IOU Mess): The bill for the recent £200,000 holiday binge on a Western Isles boat jolly landed on the Balmoral Castle doormat today. Royal bankers Cuntts & Co plutonium card services is demanding immediate settlement despite ongoin...
The Queen has today sensationally announced that she's going on strike. The announcement comes after long talks between her Union the RSPCR (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Royals) and the Government. Standing outside Buckingham...
LONDON - One of the most famous or infamous females to ever come out of Spain has confessed to her hair stylist Señor Olé Olé Olé that she would like to visit Buckingham Palace. Señor Olé Olé Olé asked her to please bring him back a photo of one o...
The Queen is said to be "embarrassed" and "annoyed" after she left her microphone on in an incident almost identical to Gordon Brown's, "Bigot" gaffe earlier this year. Her majesty had just entered her vehicle with Prince Philip and an advisor, following an interview with a female reporter. It was at this point that the microphones picked up the conversation in the car: Queen: "She was stu...
Balmoral Castle - (On-The-Rocks News): The Queen has received a subpoena to testify at the blood diamonds trial in The Hague. Apparently a parure - a suite of jewellery comprising a tiara, necklace, earrings, bracelets, rings, brooch and belt clas...
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