A secret dossier has been leaked onto WikiLeaks about the Pope's real plans for his visit to the UK. As part of his visit he will visit Queen Elizabeth, who is head of the Church of England, a sect of Christianity that broke away during Henry VIII's reign in order to raise money for women, wine and wars.
According to the dossier, Pope Benedict will attempt to bring the Anglican church back into the Catholic fold, with the ultimate aim of reuniting all of the various flavours of Christianity back under the auspice of Rome.
"Pope Benedict believes this will be simple," said Cardinal Richelou, "after all, the UK is like a third world country and will be in awe of such a magnificent pontiff visiting their poor down trodden backwater."
Having been made aware of the proposed intent of the Pope's visit, the Queen has drawn up plans of her own, and intends to instead bring the Catholics under the umbrella of the Church of England, with her at the head.
Royal Correspondent, Trevor Fontaine, thinks that she stands a good chance.
"Liz has managed to avoid twenty years of Charlie trying to take the crown off her, the Pope will be a pussy cat compared to that."
Religious watchdogs have been put on high alert in case the stand off degenerates into another holy war.
