Scotland - (Rioters): Sudden terminal ingrowing toenail syndrome has hit the Queen this weekend.
Three relentless gaga-googoo days in the company of the PM and family has seen HM sicken for something.
Courtiers say it was bad enough when Cherry Bush farrowed little monster Leo back in 2000, insisting on breastfeeding him in public at Tossing-off-the-Caber.
A repeat performance with Sam Cam squelching out the lactate and newborn Florence Rose Endellion posseting all over the drawing room carpet is not to be stomached.
"It's the overloaded mammaries the Queen can't stand," Balmoral squirrel baiter-in-waiting Sir Gusset Posonby-Smythe said today, "brings her on all squeamish like.
"Something to do with lactose intolerance ever since that Dirty Di squirted some of her own Mother's Gold Top into a cup of tea at breakfast.
"Preposterous business if you ask me."
Meanwhile at Truro's Royal Cornwall Hospital Mrs C is in stitches as her elective Caeserian cut begins to heal.
Little Flo as she has been dubbed continues to gurgle and suck and generally do all the pleasing baby things expected of newborns.
Her remarkable facial resemblance to Lib Dem leader Nick Cleggover has been dismissed as coincidence.
The Contented Little Baby Book's Gina Ford is 69.
