Determined not to spend a penny on world-class superstars Man Utd have been spending their funds on a completely different catagory of footballers. Their latest signing is a definite sign that Man Utd refuse to pay horrendous amounts of cash on es...
Eye witness reports have confirmed that dozens of Manchester United fans had to be administered oxygen by paramedics at yesterday's Community Shield Wembley showpiece between Manchester United and Chelsea. "What's that all about then?" one Manches...
Chelsea proved to be a revelation in yesterday's Community Shield season curtain raiser at Wembley, as they capitulated without much of a struggle to an unfancied Manchester United team. Even United fans were shocked by Chelsea's lacklustre perfor...
Following popular demand from fellow writers on The Spoof; myself and the Newsnight crew grabbed the opportunity to interview Gary Neville in his bedroom at his mum's house. The interview was recorded earlier as Gary's mum makes him go to bed at 8pm right after his tea and our Newsnight show does not broadcast until 10.30pm. The written transcript of the show is as follows: Jeremy Paxman:...
Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has yet again shocked the world by making which some call the shrewdest of shrewd buying. He has picked up Emile Heskey at an extremely low price of 23 million pounds. "I am very happy to be at a club th...
The Glazer family have told the green and yellow protest army, "forget it," United is not for sale, over and out! This shocking news has sent panic waves around the "Theatre of Dreams" and Sir Alex, destined to manage a club with debts of over $70...
Rafa Benitez is said to be in discussion with Sir Alex Ferguson about forming a coalition Premiership team in a bid to squeeze out Chelsea. The two red teams plan to share their points and the title. Rumours are that the Liverpool manager will be...
Rafa Benitez is being lined up as the shock choice to replace Sir Alex Ferguson as manager of Manchester United. When Ferguson eventually retires Old Trafford chiefs plan to appoint Benitez. The announcement shocked many at first. Lifelong Manches...
Sir Alex Ferguson has dismissed rumours he will become gay as Manchester United boss at the end of next season. The 68-year-old has been United manager for over 23 years but last year said he would step down if his health or hunger for benders eve...
Sir Alex Ferguson has rubbished all reports that he will retire next year and has vowed only to leave Old Trafford in a "Black Box" and even then he will come back and haunt the place. Hopeful inheritors to his throne, Jose "The Chosen One" Mourin...
An elderly gentleman was led from a Manchester bar late last night, shouting "I'm going nowhere, you hear me? Nowhere!" Passers by watched as the inebriated senior citizen was led to a waiting taxi. He frequently tried to escape his helpers and k...
Manchester United is still the most stupid football club in the world, according to the world's leading high IQ society. The Premier League title holders, who came second in a list compiled by the Education Secretary in February, again topped the...
Sir Alex Ferguson has finally announced the name of the man he wants to replace him at Manchester United. Typically, Fergie has gone for a fellow Scot. Gordon Brown may seem like a surprise choice to many, but Sir Alex is certain that such an appoint...
Alex Ferguson is considering leaving as Manager, of Manchester United, to enter the World Chewing Gum Championships. For the last two years Mr I Chew, Chairman of the World Chewing Gum Championships, has been sending emails to Ferguson, on a daily...
The Thai army has made explicit its determination to use live ferrets against Manchester United fans in certain circumstances. An army spokesman told a regular news briefing that troops were ready to use their stoat-like arsenal "decisively". T...
After 93 minutes of boredom, ineptitude and misery, God, watching from his lofty heights in his VIP, SKY box, decided enough is enough! A miracle over the sunny Manchester skies happened yesterday as a fiery bolt from heaven struck and gave everyb...
All top football referees in the UK are to be issued with special Fergie watches designed by Sir Alex Ferguson himself. The watches are expected to be used to keep time in all matches involving Manchester United. The watch has many special feature...
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