Fergie: I'm Going Nowhere!

Written by Earl Grey

Friday, 23 April 2010

image for Fergie: I'm Going Nowhere!
Ryan Giggs knew that going out with Fergie wasn't a good idea

An elderly gentleman was led from a Manchester bar late last night, shouting "I'm going nowhere, you hear me? Nowhere!"

Passers by watched as the inebriated senior citizen was led to a waiting taxi. He frequently tried to escape his helpers and kept trying to return to the bar. Landlord Mickey Glazer said "I'm pretty sure the old guy has had enough. He should go home and let someone else have a drink."

The elderly man in question is known in the area as Fergie. He is thought to have lived in the Manchester area for many years and is a permanent fixture in the city's bars. He often drinks alone. Very occasionally he is joined by a younger companion, but they never seem to stay with him for long. A former drinking buddy, Steve Mac, said "I used to sup pints with Fergie. Then one day I was invited to visit another club. Free beer! I went. Fergie never spoke to me again."

The sight of an elderly man staggering about, shouting and threatening those around him is something many would wish to avoid. Clearly, there are those who think it is time for Fergie to go on the wagon. He remains defiant.

"See you! I will not go anywhere. If I want to stay in the bar and keep drinking then I will. Nobody tells me when to quit. Nobody!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more