The beautiful Emporer Stag, photographed days ago in a stunning picture admired by millions, was killed on orders from the Queen. 'There's a Monarch in this country' she fumed' and that is me. We can't have an Emporer as well. I will not be underm...
Scotland - (Hunt for Red October Mess): Hundreds of years of Scottish mythology had attributed sightings of a scary Loch prowler to a fishy local monster. This weekend a Pentagon eye-in-the-sky satellite finally nailed down the location of a miss...
London - (Dependency Culture Mess): A 'wrong sort of crack' cocaine was found on the derailed faux royal line today. Disgusted commuters were herded like sheep onto underground cattle wagon replacement services as chaos brought the entire Blood Di...
London - (Aztec Calendar Woe): A delayed gratification karmic virus has detonated among Hellfire Club matrons. At the Royal Freak Hospital nonce's wing tonight Margaret Thatcher had her stomach pumped after OD-ing on 'rocks' from Chilean President...
London - (Stand & Deliver News): She's said to be gobsmacked after Royal Protection Racket cops foiled a Palace abduction attempt on the mystery Eurosquillions winner. Months of secret phishing expeditions using an adapted Stuxnet virus had se...
It is reported that HM the Queen is angry that other royals are fighting a rearguard action to save the RAF bases at Kinloss and Lossiemouth on the Moray Firth, Scotland. Philip of Macedoine is reported to have blasted the Secretary of Defence, Li...
In an extraordinary show of solidarity, Queen Elizabeth II has announced that she is to renounce all her royal income and privileges in order to show that "we are all in it together" as the government prepares to trample all over her subjects in the...
The Department of Home Affairs has announced that next year's 85th birthday portrait of the queen will show her sitting naked, except for her crown, cross-legged on a tank in the Iraqi desert. A Buckingham Palace source stated that the royal genit...
David Icke, the former sports presenter, turned conspiracy theorist, had the honour yesterday of naming the Queen's new luxury cruise liner. Mr Icke, 52, who once suggested that the Royal Family were all lizards in human form, was at Southampton d...
London - (Dependency Culture Mess): A new royal tariff is being published today amid reports the Queen is to start charging for official ribbon-cutting ceremonies. The announcement comes amid government austerity proposals to cut 25% off royal ben...
Southampton - (Bare Cheek Mess): "Naked as the day they were born," retired nonagerian massage artiste Bunty Kneadman said today, "and running starkers all over the poop deck!" The ship's former osteopath/naturopath/psychopath was speaking today a...
The Queen is to launch Cunard's latest Queen Elizabeth liner at Southampton today in a ceremony during which she is also likely to reveal a long-kept secret. She will tell the crowds at the dockside that she is a life-long Portsmouth fan and that...
Southampton - (Titanic Mess): "Worse than having to walk the bloody plank," the Queen moaned today ahead of Canard Line's Monday launch of MS Eponymous. Still, the reported £5 million appearance fee may offload some of that royal ennui which said...
Southampton - (Splicing the Main Brace): A Cunard cruise veteran is warning that Monday's royal launch of the new Queen Elizabeth liner is hexed. Seasoned Queen Mary 2 cruiser Capt Morse said in his blog today that an austerity ditching of a tradi...
London - (Prenup Mess): An audit of the Palace austerity budget has found millions of pounds raised via home loans on 'royal peculiars'. These shadowy religious edifices come under HM's direct control without the bothersome tedium of Parliamentar...
Gulf of Mexico - (RIP Mess): A sneak preview of HM's Last Will & Testament has revealed her final resting place of choice lies at 28.736628°N 88.365997°W. The Gulf of Mexico location is near the Mississippi River Delta site of BP's Deepwater H...
London - (Dependency Culture Mess): "One is freezing one's nutz orf because of the recession," the Queen complained today amid headlines of being sidelined for an OAP handout to buy a new boiler. "Just have to chop up some irreplaceable Chippendal...
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