London - (Aztec Calendar Woe): A delayed gratification karmic virus has detonated among Hellfire Club matrons.
At the Royal Freak Hospital nonce's wing tonight Margaret Thatcher had her stomach pumped after OD-ing on 'rocks' from Chilean President Sebastian Pinera.
The last time she got offer her face like that was back in '98 when General Pinochet was busted and slung in house detention for crimes against humanity.
Meanwhile back in Buckingham Palace a chandelier somehow crashed down from the ceiling straight into HM's gaping gob after she dozed off in front of the telly.
Firemen fought for fifteen minutes to remove shards of crystal from her oesophagus - before fishing out an unexpected three Chilean minors trapped in the bottomless fathoms of her gullet!
Months of trauma care will now attempt to reconcile these 'disappeared' from their ordeal down the she-devil's belly.