A new Mel Gibson-directed film intends to depict Jesus Christ as a drunken, violent sexist with a propensity for using four-letter cuss words. Gibson says the movie will demonstrate that even Jesus had a few character flaws, and we all-myself in...
Drunken, dirty-mouthed anti-Semite Mel Gibson is secretly dating drunken, dirty-mouthed anti-judge Lindsay Lohan, periodically reliable sources suggest. In fact, to show solidarity with Lohan, these sources indicate that if Gibson ever goes to co...
Former President William Jefferson Clinton-the name he took when he was impeached for lying about a dalliance with an intern-has come to the defense of his vice president Albert Gore. "Look," said Clinton "when an inexperienced massage lady is r...
Allegations by a 54-year-old Portland massage therapist that Al gore sexually assaulted her was just a "stunt," according to the trickster who claims to have staged the incident at he behest of pro-oil drilling and anti-global warming forces. "Y...
Scientology guru L. Ron Hubbard reportedly believes the lightning strike that burned down a six-story statute of Jesus Christ in Monroe, Ohio was a God-sent signal that Jesus was not God's only-begotten son. Hubbard, who died in 1986, channeled...
The defense of debt-ridden Sarah Ferguson - a.k.a. the Duchess of York - that she was drunk when she was caught pledging to provide access to ex-hubby Prince Andrew for a huge cash bribe has given some British lawyers thoughts of using similar legal...
Ex-Hollywood starlet Lindsay Lohan is pledging to quit drinking in order to comply with the new requirements of her failure to show up in a Beverly Hills, Calif. court on alcohol-related charges. The judge in the case says the problem-plagued be...
The self-confessed lover of Michael Jackson says he is hiding out following death threats by Michael Jackson's fans. Jason Pfeiffer says some of the threats are gruesome and graphic and have him scared for his life. Jackson's dermatologist, Dr.
Fornication-addicted former golf great Tiger Woods confessed today that he doesn't take responsibility for boning any the women he reportedly boned because he was asleep during all of his reputed 220 sexual encounters. "I knew nothing about whate...
CNN's Larry King plans to marry the sister of the wife he's divorcing, my extremely unreliable sources indicate. Larry's 7th wife, 50-year-old Shawn Southwick, has accused the 76-year-old stooped-over suspender-wearing softball TV interviewer o...
Pope Benedict XVI has become Pope Ratzinger I. The Vatican says the name change is a PR effort to distance the pope from covering up or ignoring sexual crimes by Catholic priests around the world. "That was Benedict, for example, who refused to...
Reading from a carefully prepared script, Tiger Woods announced today that he is a now a homosexual. "This will prevent me from having any more affairs with trashy women, and help get me back to the serious business of golf," the world's lusties...
CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer has appealed to infamous "Crotch Bomber" Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab to switch to Judiasm. "It's a much more peaceful religion than Christianity-plus we don't go around proselytizing." Blitzer's comments came in response to...
The al-Qeada operative who tried to blow up an airliner over Detroit "may lose his sexual appendage," according to a reliable medical source treating Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab. The source says what is left of the 23-year-old Nigerian's penis wil...
The fake DC socialites who penetrated security to crash a White House state dinner may be headed for a penitentiary. Michaele and Tareq Salahi-who somehow tricked their way into President Obama's black-tie gala for the prime minister of India-"wi...
Daytime TV Queen Oprah Winfrey says she will soon pick a successor, and that debates among the leading contenders might be held. "As of now," Winfrey said, "Michelle Obama is my fave, mainly because she is just as compassionate and almost as famo...
A new national study shows a strong connection between the swine flu and individuals who regularly shop at Swine*Mart outlets. The study-among 13,000 swine flu victims in 13 states-found evidence that customers of the giant mini-grocery chain ca...
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