Pope Changes Name in Effort to Quell Sex Scandal

Written by Don Fulsom

Sunday, 4 April 2010

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Pope Benedict XVI has become Pope Ratzinger I. The Vatican says the name change is a PR effort to distance the pope from covering up or ignoring sexual crimes by Catholic priests around the world.

"That was Benedict, for example, who refused to defrock a U.S. pedophile priest who had his way with 200 deaf boys," Ratzinger asserted in his first papal pronouncement. "The new pope will not get away with this silly gambit," answered an anti-Pope group in Britain.

Pope Ratzinger I is due to visit Britain this fall, but the group promises to have him arrested and then prosecuted in London.

The group says Ratzinger will be tried under "universal jurisdiction," a concept that allows judges to issue warrants for nearly any visitor accused of grievous crimes, no matter where the visitor lives.

The pope's name change was recommended to him by Ari Fleisher, former P.R. man for Tiger Woods and George W. Bush.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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