Drunken, dirty-mouthed anti-Semite Mel Gibson is secretly dating drunken, dirty-mouthed anti-judge Lindsay Lohan, periodically reliable sources suggest.
In fact, to show solidarity with Lohan, these sources indicate that if Gibson ever goes to court, he will paint his fingernails with swastikas.
When she was sentenced to prison for alcohol-related offenses, Lohan decorated her fingernails with a vulgar message for the judge this family newspaper can not repeat.
"I'm going to pull something similar as a final career-wrecker, and to impress Lindsay," said Mel. "We actually have a wonderful relationship based on a shared hatred of inferior mortals-including Jews, judges, cops and sobriety advocates."
Before passing out, Gibson slurred: "Both Lindsay and I are bi-sexual, which gives our love life a rich complexity of multi-layered dimensions."
Gibson has been attending court-ordered classes at the Clean Language Institute near Hollywood.