New York, NY - Madonna's biceps are stringy, ugly and may make KFC's treatment of chickens look tame. PETA has issued its first ever complaint regarding treatment of humans and it has to do with the unsightly mess that is Madonna's arms. In a str...
Buttcrack, N.J. - Sir Elton John, famed British pop star, has opened a fudge packing plant in New Jersey, hoping to cash in on the fudge craze that sweeps down the Atlantic coast during the hot summer months. "My wife and I," Sir Elton stated, "..
Mountain View, CA - A large search engine company and a Chinese company marketing an internet based role playing game are considering doing a deal with Erin Andrews that will see her infamous peephole video being released to an wide American audienc...
New York, NY - In an effort to improve their customers level of fitness, Heintses Baked Beans would like to introduce 'Fartlek Training' on their labels. While traditionally Fartlek Training was a method of improving an athletes running capability by...
Washington, D.C. - Today, President Obama attempted to heal wounds created by the racial controversy that erupted over an arrest of a Harvard professor, Henry Gates, by a Cambridge policeman, Sgt. James Crowley. The President invited the two adversar...
Washington, DC - Flying humanoids, ten foot tall creatures with enormous wings, have been spotted at nighttime by residents of Washington, DC. Some have taken to leaving their homes with pots and spoons in hand, banging furiously to scare the creatur...
Los Angeles, CA La Toya Jackson had a press conference outlining her wish to have several famous names in law enforcement and crime investigation to come forward and aid in the investigation of the murder of her brother, Michael Jackson. Ms. Jacks...
Cambridge, MA - A lady of Pork And Cheese descent, the caller who dialed 911 on that uppity Harvard professor, Henry Gates, is claiming the Pigs are lying when they say she identified Professor Gates as a black dude. Ms. Whelan, the caller, says...
Budapest, Hungary - Ferrari F1 driver Felipe Massa was hit by Michael Jackson's nose while doing time trials at the grand prix in Hungary this past weekend. He is currently in a drug induced (Propofol) coma after having undergone surgery to relieve s...
Los Angeles, CA - Simon Cowell has agreed to pay for the funeral of Alexis Cohen, a former contestant on American Idol who became famous more for her rant against the reality game show judge than her actual singing talent. "Do you think I like the...
Malibu, CA - Adam Lambert's specialty submarine, shaped like a shark, has Malibu colony actors scared skitless. "I'm just afraid to go out in the morning and do any kind of performance. This shark has been sitting offshore for days and we're all j...
Malibu, CA - A 12 foot rubber shark off Malibu beach, intended to be used as a guerilla marketing ploy promoting the premiere of a specialty channel program about sharks, has attracted several other sharks to the area. The result is that at least 17...
Los Angeles, CA - Tens upon tens of thousands of feet of undiscovered film footage of singer Michael Jackson doing slapstick gags with an as yet undead British comedian Benny Hill have been discovered and are expected to entertain the world for years...
New Haven, CT - Yale professor Janoc Sterling believes that 90% of Harvard professors suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder and there's not a 'bloody thing' anyone can do about it. Speaking on the issue of the arrest of Henry Louis Gates J...
Montreal, CA - A Canadian man who has been charged with the honor killing of his three daughters and his first wife by drowning, is disappointed that he hasn't made it to CNN. Said the man, "...This most surely is one of the most heinous crimes ev...
Washington, DC - A new theory has come out that suggests the Swine Flu (H1N1) was designed by the C.I.A. to 'cull' Americans in order to stave off a depression. It is believed that as many as 40% of Americans will come down with Swine Flu in the...
Los Angeles, CA - Congress is getting ready to vote on a bill that will allow agents in Hollywood to turn in their used celebrities for cash. "I think after the Michael Jackson debacle, it's time for Hollywood to turn over a new leaf, make a clean...
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