New York, NY - Madonna's biceps are stringy, ugly and may make KFC's treatment of chickens look tame. PETA has issued its first ever complaint regarding treatment of humans and it has to do with the unsightly mess that is Madonna's arms.
In a strongly worded letter to the American government, PETA condemned the inhumane treatment of rock stars and in doing so named Madonna and Iggy Pop as prime examples of the way America treats their celebrities.
A longtime nanny of Madonna's has stated that she believes Madonna's unsightly arms are due to a dietary supplement, Acai berry, that Madonna has been taking for the last 15 years, a product touted by Oprah.
Said the nanny, "Madonna used to stay in her room all morning and the doctor would go in with a big brown bag filled with these pills. By the time the doctor came out, there were no pills left. Only an empty bag. For the rest of the day, Madonna would be in and out of the bathroom. Once a month I'd have to phone the plumber as the pipes would burst."
However the government responded by throwing its hands up. "What are we supposed to do? She doesn't even live here anymore. She's not even an individual. She's a registered corporation. Madonna Inc. isn't going to be swayed by government intervention, which would be illegal anyway."