Malibu, CA - A 12 foot rubber shark off Malibu beach, intended to be used as a guerilla marketing ploy promoting the premiere of a specialty channel program about sharks, has attracted several other sharks to the area. The result is that at least 17 surfers have been attacked, some devoured to the point that DNA identification will be needed in order to establish their identities.
"Some television executive with a beach house had this great idea of putting a rubber shark out in the water to publicize his show, and now this happens," said longtime Malibu resident, Todd 'Rusty' Ballard. "I've never seen such a senseless waste of life. Well, not since the Charles Manson. Boy that was a bad one too," said Rusty.
"It's almost like this kind of brutality is a part of the fabric of Malibu life. We're all just waiting to see what the next nutbar is gonna do. I'm kinda hopin' things 'll calm down a bit, once Pamela Anderson returns and we make her Queen of the colony. Nothing like a big set of knockers to set your mind straight - to make you stop thinkin' about how you're gonna make your next million."