Lobbyists from the U.S. National Edumacation System finally got the Federal Government to pass another unconstitutional pea-brained law. This one is supposed to help stupid teachers keep from being embarrassed when trying to prounounce some of the ri...
Iliterrate teachers at the Untied States Teacher's Convection yesterday determined somehow that kids are stupider than they are.
Presidential Candidate John Q. McCain said he never said anything about getting rid of Texas. He restated he was trying to say we will have no more taxes. He blames the media for getting his words wrong and insists that he didn't "misspeak&q...
Vienna AUSTRIA, (TS) Josef Pretzl, the Austrian man who fathered seven children with his daughter while keeping her locked up in a subterranean dungeon as a sex slave for 24 years, will plead insanity to avoid a prison sentence.
Expert psychologists from Boston's Behavioral Signalization Institute of Hair Science have finished a 3 year long study involving 500 people that tests what affect hairstyles and beards have on their validity and taken seriousness out in the real...
Sonny Jotnose, a Sophomore at Barstow High School in California, was expelled for wearing a T-shirt on Friday. Superintendent of Schools, Ms. Rhoida Hemerra said the shirt's message was offensive.
Something is really polluting the water in Florida. According to Reefer-Rooter plumbers Harry Curler and Ted Touchingcloth, over 50% of the homes they visit to do some type of work or another, they find turtle heads clogging the toilets.
Hungarian engineer and inventor Alex Barabas Ph.D. unveiled his new "Boxing Machine" this morning at the US Sports Equipment Convention in Anaheim California. Dr. Barabas stated: "Quite frankly, making the sport more fair was...
Psychiatric researchers hit a brick wall long ago on the subject of the befuddled mind of grit-eating half-wit George W. Bush and what makes it not tick. It's difficult to analyze what is left of a mind besotted by fear, superstition, illiteracy,...
People hardly notice it anymore. Like the proverbial Boiling Frog Syndrome: If one abruptly tosses a frog into a pot of boiling water, it will jump out. But if one gently places a frog into a pot of lukewarm water and turn the heat up gradually, it w...
At least 237 cases of alcohol poisoning in the last week at campus dorms and campus bars across the US to a new drinking game called Obama Slamma. According to Craig Boiled Owl from New Mexico University, "It's because it's so easy. All you do is...
Garbage collectors Keith Oldensmell and Buddy Moldingloves from the Dallas Municipal Waste Authority have created a screensaver for televisions that keeps your screen safe from "burn-in" just like on a computer.
This morning about 2 AM at the Skuzzy Skank Lounge in Cleveland, when Skooze Whorman, the famous porn actress and part-time "Bonehead Finance 101 for speakers of english as a second language" instructor from Israel, started floppin around o...
Always looking for a way to kick start the weak economy and always hot on the heels of the newest methods to combat crime, the California legislature has passed a law to allow police departments to train squads of psychics and swear them in as full t...
The computer giant Ledd recently built two new factories in Darfur Africa to keep up with tough competition in the tech sector by hiring refugees from the genocide there.
Popping out of the molten lava of a volcano that erupted in Southern Chile yesterday, Satan, the actual "God" of the Underworld, made his first appearance since the birth of the demonic Dick Cheney. Onlookers said it was really hot near th...
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