What was originally reported as a geological event has been confirmed as a deliberate action taken by the Prince of Darkness. Satan has confirmed that the sink hole on White House property is actually a direct access point to Hell. "Donny was c...
Another nation wide e coli outbreak has been announced throughout the United States. Fortunately, this one was linked to brussels sprouts, sometimes referred to as "asparagus testicles". Suckly Farms of Idaho announced the outbreak, once the illn...
The city council of Mosty Poland, a small hamlet outside of Szczecin (most likely pronounced "Shin") set a meeting to discuss the advancements in lightbulb technology. The meeting is expected to focus on the increasingly popular LED bulb. Counc...
"It's the best decision I've ever made. The best... and that's saying something, because all of my ideas are amazing!" That's how the president explained his new decision to end the never-ending cycle of high profile position turnover amongst hi...
With pretty much every other reasonable explanation for the decisions made in producing movies based on DC Comics characters it appears that Warner Brothers is close to admitting that the whole series is basically a tax write off for the movie makers...
The long held belief that alligators avoid eating clowns because "they taste funny" has been challenged by a new poll. Of the thousand man-eating alligators that participated in the survey 58% stated that they really didn't care if a human was a...
In his latest attack on the media, president trump has accused the Associated Press of "resorting to the use of truth porn" in their attacks on his presidential integrity. Although, "fake news" is still a very popular phrase commonly used by the pre...
After narrowly losing to the Philadelphia Eagles in Super Bowl LLI the Patriots immediately took to the airwaves to decry their perceived culprit for the greatest upset in Super Bowl history. "Where is Alberto Riveron when you need him," Eric Rowe...
In preparation for the 2018 election, former movie mogul Harvey Weinstein moved his personal residence to Alabama and expressed keen interest in becoming the state's next Governor. The move surprised many, as Weinstein never showed much interest in...
Following in the now popular trend of calling things you don't like "fake" to discredit them, Seattle Convenient Store Clerk, Fred Nunchenhausen declared the knife of a would be robber fake during an armed robbery. Although, Mr. Nunchenhausen was ab...
Mistaking the Presidency for a popularity contest that he hasn't even won yet, president Trump continues to work the crowds in an apparent attempt to dodge doing any real work. "I've done more than any President up to this point in history," Tru...
After the president Unpresidentially resorted to rhetoric usually ascribed to lunatic dictators in response to North Korea's typical "give me money" antics, the Joint Chiefs of Staff decided that preventative measures needed to be taken. Newly min...
To absolutely no one's surprise Jay Cutler didn't spend one day inside a press booth. Kevin Burkhardt and Charles Davis both expressed their relief in not having to speak to Cutler in the press booth. "Have you ever heard the guy talk?" Burkhardt...
Medical marijuana farms established to supply Minnesota with it's recently legalized medication are being singled out as the primary cause of the over voracious insects attacks on other cash crops in the state. Scientists believe that after cons...
Immediately after it was announced that Jay Cutler would be joining the Fox Sports broadcasting team, Cutler was seen taking a puff off his cigarette and giving a smug grin. When asked if he planned to put all of his efforts into his new career, C...
After almost every other staff member of President Trump's (brief pause to vomit) administration has either royally screwed up or committed outright treason, The Donald's son-in-law has been announced as "Secretary of Everything". "We trust Jare...
An agitated orange lashed out at his citric brethren for attempting to distinguish themselves from oranges. Cracky McOrange has stated that he does not see any real difference between tangerines and oranges, and thinks that the separate designation...
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