Polish neighborhood council meets to determine how many people it will take to screw in new LED lightbulbs

Funny story written by StubbornGorilla

Monday, 9 April 2018

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The city council of Mosty Poland, a small hamlet outside of Szczecin (most likely pronounced "Shin") set a meeting to discuss the advancements in lightbulb technology. The meeting is expected to focus on the increasingly popular LED bulb.

Council Chairman, Dobieslaw Kykmyinthabutski has stated that the main order of business would be to determine how many of them it would take to screw in the new lightbulbs.

"We think that maybe bulbs made out of lead could make it easier, or they could make it harder." Kykmyinthabutski explained.

Their thoughts were elaborated by fellow councilman, Wicus Wherus-Szezecinski, "Maybe having heavier bulb will make it easier to hold still, while other men turn house just like heavier rock makes it easy for kids to get in milk jar."

There was also talks of a potential arm wrestling competition to determine who will be the local bulb installer once the new LEDs hit the shelves. Resident, Flawiusz Lostunthawudski is organizing the event. He explained the rationale for arm wrestling as the standard.

"It could take number of hours to figure out the right way to turn the house and get everyone moving in that direction, so bulb holder must be strong to hold these heavier bulbs in place the whole time. Also, even one armed men can do this job as long as remaining arm is strong."

Sources said that one in six adult men had lost at least one arm by the age of eighteen. It was even reported that one vending machine at the bus station had so many arms sticking out that it is "almost impossible to get any Mike N Ikes without sticking your hand in there to get it." The machine appeared to still be fully stocked, but had about eleven severed arms protruding from it.

The meeting date was not set, but was expected to potentially take place "three days before next Thursday after the cock crows", but what that meant did not appear to be fully understood.

Kykmyinthsbutski was poised to take the lead in advancing Mosty toward the future. "We embrace new technology, and are eager to learn the safe way to use it. We already know that lead is bad to have in water, so we will make sure not to put these in our light posts or in our sink lamps. Whatever their best use is we plan to have it figured out in the next eight to twelve years."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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