Written by StubbornGorilla

Wednesday, 23 May 2018

image for Satan opens sink hole on White House lawn to shorten Trump's daily commute to Hell
"It beats getting stuck on Dupont Circle!"

What was originally reported as a geological event has been confirmed as a deliberate action taken by the Prince of Darkness. Satan has confirmed that the sink hole on White House property is actually a direct access point to Hell.

"Donny was complaining about the commute every day between his work on the physical plane and back home to his comfortable abode on the cliffs overlooking the Lakes of Damnation," the Devil explained. "So, we obliged him with a direct portal between both dimensions."

Although, some people expressed surprise that Trump is some sort of hell spawn, many others felt they finally had a prism through which to understand his behavior.

A second sink hole that has developed near Mar a Lago has also been confirmed as a convenient access point supplied by Satan for Trump to utilize.

"He's such a great performer for us, that we really do anything in our power to accommodate him," Satan explained. "If even half of my other demons were as good as he is we'd probably have to open Hell 2!"

The President seemed to both confirm and deny the Devil's claims in one sentence.

"If I were an agent of Hell would I really try so hard to court evangelical voters, although that's kind of the Devil's business, isn't it?"

A poll showed that 80% of evangelicals still supported the President despite his direct links to Satan.

"He's just playing the Devil like he does everyone else," Justin Smiley from Arkansas stated. "If he were evil, why would he work so hard to punish all those outside forces trying to attack God's Country?"

The Devil and Trump both laughed maniacally upon hearing this and rubbed their hands together greedily.

"If things continue working out the way they're headed, we'll probably be able to ditch the sink holes altogether," Satan said without explanation.

Satan has not offered up details concerning any more locations that Trump might have these portals, but he did mention that he almost renamed the Lakes of Agony "Trump's Hot Tub". Although, he did express some reservation about entering the Trump Tower hot tub himself.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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