The US border guards have got quite a problem on their hands because they just cannot stop smugglers invading the country from all sides! Mexican smugglers in the south enjoy a free for all whilst dodging dodgy border guards who seem to arrest Mex...
Hot on the heels of the news that headache tablets cause headaches, it turns out that hay fever tablets cause hay fever. "I suppose the clue was always on the box," said Angie Benji, of the British Medical Institution. "It doesn't say 'Cures Heada...
London - Women who wear sensible shoes have always suspected as much, shunning their delights over 'chemical cosh' fears. Those suspicions have now been vindicated as a report published today says anti-depressants and mood altering toxins are foun...
Police have asked the aged and generally over sixties to improve security on their homes after a spate of burglaries have targeted this vulnerable section of society. "Now that pharmacies have stupendous security," said Police Inspector Gadget, "d...
Recent polls show that females now outnumber males 65:35 in the Medical profession. The general consensus has been that as the education system has become more modular, GCSEs and A levels have been better tailored for females to succeed by doing away with the last minute cramming and pressure of all or nothing exams that boys tend to favour. They score better grades than their male counterparts...
London - Eva Rausing's attempts to smuggle heroin and crack cocaine into a reception at the USA's London embassy in 2008 ended with a feeble slap on the wrist. The affair was lampooned widely with fake 'Oooh Mr Ambassador, with these crack wraps y...
Scottsdale Az: An off duty law enforcement officer with the Scottsdale Police Department today told reporters that the man taken into custody earlier today following an incident in the city was probably on drugs, most likely bath salts. In a terri...
La Corona, Guatemala - The Mayan end-of-daze Calendar has been finally outed as total crap after archaeologists found a turd - er...third! - vital clue in some ancient masonry. Newly discovered tablets from a Guatemalan apothecary's cave poo-poo t...
Washington DC - Under mounting pressure to disclose more details about the government's Fast and Furious gun-running fiasco, Attorney General Eric Holder revealed today that the effort failed because a "drug tracking" component of the operation was n...
San Francisco CA - Scientists predict that millions of rebellious idiotic, rude, young adults will be blinded Monday. Dr. Smerve Leude of the Whackover Institute told reporters that the eclipse of the sun Monday would not be total. Damaging rays wo...
Several hours after publicly declaring his opposition to the legalization of such currently prohibited drugs as heroin, cocaine and marijuana, President Barack Obama retracted his anti-legalization statement and told reporters that his administration...
London - "I'm damned if I let some Met rookie swab the insides of my, er, gob," Nick Clegg snarled today as the announcement was posted on Speaker Bercow's blogsite. The Deputy PM's protests come amid reports that police armed with new drug testin...
London - Royal Parks Agency has been asked to install CCTV around the famous grassy knoll following rumors of drug-fuelled orgies on Primrose Hill, opposite the American ambassador's residence. Reports of teenage girls engaging in rampant gang sex...
London - An Electric Avenue jerk hut proprietor has spoken of his dismay at the new 20% VAT hike on hot takeaway food. "Damn tax on munchies in this time of adversities," Sammy Aikliss grumbled tonight, "filthy thievin Tory bastards is poachin the...
London - An animated tableau vivant at London's Black Rat Projects Gallery depicts the Disciples as weed-crazed bong-toting stoners high on Judean homegrown and leftover Retsina from a recent Cana nuptials. Giles Walker's Last Supper has Jesus rol...
London - A July 2009 slap on the wrists for Harry Potter actor Jamie Waylett was all that Westminster Magistrates Court imposed following the discovery of 20 marijuana plants growing at his mother's Kilburn home. Today Wood Green Crown Court heard...
Scouts at the 12th Blackpool Scout Troop near Blackpool have all shown their ingenuity by recycling discarded rubbish to make a variety of bongs. "I'm very pleased with my lads," said scout leader, Clover Garlic. "Some of the designs have been qui...
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