RATHOLE, D. C.—Echoing remarks he made about John McCain during his 2016 campaign, President Bonespur today joined in, after Kelly Sadler’s quip about John McCain “dying anyway,” with his own clever turn: “I prefer cancer patients who don’t die.”...
Donald Trumpet's new lawyer Rudy JulyOnee, Trumpet's new lawyer changed his story about Porn Star Stormy Night Daniels after a reversal of tweets of another version of JulyOnee's story earlier in the day, roughly 2 minutes ago. Which is to say this i...
Signalling an expansion of his real estate empire, President Donald Trump this afternoon announced he has purchased the White House. "This is a very, very good deal, we're doing very well. Basically I used money we saved by cutting welfare to our...
Two fringe groups and a deranged scientist are all claiming that the Obama's official White House portraits are being used to send messages to the next galaxy, possibly giving an all clear for an alien invasion. "Maybe that's not what is happening...
Senior Utah Republican Senator Orrin Hatch spoke to NBC News correspondent Frank Thorp Wednesday, saying he would prefer for FBI confirmed domestic abusing White House Staff Secretary Rob Porter not to resign, but instead to just “work his way throug...
White House receptionist claims that Robert Mueller's Office is very rude and unprofessional. Moments after Michael Flynn turned himself in, Mueller called Trump, who was unavailable. Michael Flynn has been cooperating with authorities and has be...
The Whitehouse generals are so worried about an accidental nuclear war that Trump.com™ might start in a fit of blind rage and spite they have hired Kaepernick to tackle the president if he lunges for the nuke football. They said he seemed a...
First Ladies in America have always had a 'national cause': Laura Bush launched "Ready to Read, Ready to Learn" to prime children for the world of literature, Nancy Reagan promoted "Just Say No" to keep young people off drugs and Michelle Obama estab...
Steve Bannon, President Trump's former Chief Political Strategist, explained yesterday that the 'Grand Wizard' he invited to the White House Rose Garden was in fact 'Harry Potter'. "It was a complete misunderstanding," he said while ironing a Co...
To cement his place in history as the Astronaut Science President, Trump.com™ has vowed to be the first President to land a man on the moon. Claiming a decommissioned Titan missile was all NASA needed, he announced this world first Moon pro...
Washington, DC A young sixth-grade boy, Frank Guacamole, who wrote to the President and asked if he could mow the White House lawn. Trump answered and said he could and got a big news story out of it. While mowing the lawn, Frank was followed by T...
Wash. D.C.- President Trump met with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto at the White House on Monday. The meeting was to be a discussion on US/Mexico relations, the proposed Wall along our mutual border, who was to pay for said Wall, and many o...
Technicians have been bought in to find the source of the Ghost Calls that Trump.com™ has claimed he received. After his beloved eminences world beating speech he gave to the Scouts, which they were forced to repudiate its deranged contents,...
WEEKEND WHITE HOUSE, BEDMINSTER, N.J. In what appears to be a throwback to the days of Watergate, President Donald Trump has reportedly organized a band of so-called plumbers to investigate serious leaks at the White House. Anonymous confidential in...
A recent controversy erupted when Golf Magazine printed that 8 or 9 people heard President Donald Trump refer to the White House as "a dump." Trump labeled this report "totally untrue." Our crack reporters found once again the president's words h...
After the recent Under the Bus Communist Party Blood Letting, factional wars have broken out of several fronts within the West Wing. Despite new CoS declaring Martial Law running gun battles are still taking place within the confines of the building...
With the White House leaking like the Titanic after head butting an iceberg the military has been called in to restore order. The new 4 star general just appointed CoS has declared marital law and authorized the use of deadly force against suspect...
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