A recent controversy erupted when Golf Magazine printed that 8 or 9 people heard President Donald Trump refer to the White House as "a dump." Trump labeled this report "totally untrue."
Our crack reporters found once again the president's words have been completely misunderstood. The article said that the presidential residence was called a "real dump" compared to Trump's New Jersey country club.
The actual truth proves much simpler. The White House has currently become a toxic waste site. The president was simply making a statement of fact.
Our journalists found an unattended pile of garbage has been building in the Rose Garden over a matter of months, mostly outside of the Oval Office. It largely consists of fast food containers and remnants.
They also discovered a pervasive smell in the West Wing. The source is mysterious. Could it be tied to the countless leaks in the building? The flood of cold sweat?
Whatever the cause, the result has been a festering stench clinging to the premises.
White House custodians will look into the smell as most of the staff leave the building to work elsewhere while the air conditioning gets fixed this summer. In the meantime, new Chief of Staff John Kelly has been seen with gloves and a gas mask on, patrolling the corridors.
No word yet on when the pile of garbage will be removed. Some hope it will be before 2020.