Richard Madeley - My Fake Diary

Friday, 3 October 2003

Well, Judy had a great night working the streets yesterday... 30 quid she earned us! She must have gone through 20, 30 punters at least.

She wants me to go out there tonight. I told her, of course, that it was a women's job to sell herself for sex. I'm a bloody bloke! I also argued that my "shrivelling" problem might come back under pressure.

I can imagine a time, you know, when people look back on this diary entry. Historians in the distant future searching for clues as to how we once lived. I'll be the Samuel Pepys of my generation. Wow.

My parole officer's coming round later to discuss my problems. I've told Judy to cover for me and say I haven't hit her. I mean, it wasn't really a "hit" yesterday, just a slap. I wanted to knock her bloody block off though!

Which reminds me, I must write that letter of apology to the manager of Marks and Spencers in Durham. I shouldn't have to apologise for attacking clothes at my age.