Kim Kardashian - My Fake Diary

Monday, 1 July 2013

In the summer of 2011, you know, I had a doctor take an X-Ray of my big booty to prove to everyone that it's all real. That it's all me. I even paid for it myself. If a girl has money for a Bentley, well, she's got a few dimes and nickels laying around for stuff like this, you know. And it's part of my professional role for "being famous just because I'm famous." And you know what? The doctor's pictures were right. It's all me. No implants or anything fake. It's all my own genes in those jeans. So there! Stick that in your dirty crack pipe, Lindsay Lohan!

Now, I'm getting a lot of letters from skeptical fans asking me to have a neurosurgeon X-Ray my head to see if I have a brain. Some lady from Alabama tweeted and said something to the effect that "Kim K.'s brain is no bigger than a pea. I'll put some of my hard-earned money on it."

Well guys, what do you think? Should I go for it? Should I have my head X-Rayed? My Dad (my real Dad, not that Ken Doll my Mom's with now), was a really smart guy, you know, a highly successful attorney. He even was on O.J. Simpson's legal team. My Dad was one of O.J.'s lawyers for when that crazy crackhead O.J. killed his wife. Dad had nothing to do with lawyering up when O.J. and that crazy army charged into a hotel room with machine guns to get his sports stuff back. Anyhow, what I'm saying is those lawyers were really sharp legal eagles. They got O.J. off and all. But even though Dad had a great brain, maybe my X-Ray will show something not so good. That's what I'm worried about. I can get all stressed out thinking about it. I don't handle emotions well, you know. . . .I've even talked to Kanye about it, but he's usually too busy frowning these days to answer. And he's taking care of little baby North West.

Tell you what, I'll think about it. I might even have it as a central thing on one of our shows. That should be good for a half hour or so of great entertainment. Yeah, that's it! I hope my sisters don't raise too much hell about it all, though. And if the X-Ray comes back and shows that I don't have a brain, well that'll be good for another show, maybe two more shows.