Kim Jong-un - My Fake Diary

Monday, 5 May 2014

Woke up at 7am to the sound of my uncle laughing at the American TV show "Friends". Felt it was a personal dig at me so I had him killed by 4 aggressive dogs. I do like Joey though. Don't think there is any badness in him.

11am so I grabbed myself a sandwich. Tuna, cheese slices and some lovely mayonaisse on two slices of bread. Tasted great. As I was eating the sandwich I got a text from Denis Rodman. He's in town for a few weeks and was wondering if I wanna watch him play basketball. YES! OBVIOUSLY. Hope this time he can help me master my slam dunks. That reminds me, must get those hoops lowered.

3pm I watch an episode of True Detective. After Denis, I think Woody Harrelson is my favourite person. Just a pity he is from the fucking U.S. Might invite him over to North Korea for a game of chess. He can bring Willy Nelson (heard he was a chatterbox) if he wants but I will do the bulk of the talking or Willy won't be coming back.

6pm have a light dinner of steamed veg and grilled chicken. Sounds boring but I really want to get in shape this summer. I deserve a 6 pack.

9pm turn on the news and guess what? America is slagging me off. Again! Have they nothing better for doing? I never get up in their grill, so why do they feel the need to intefere in my business. Jealous bastards.

11pm and I snuggle up in bed with the Family Guy box set and a bowl of Coco Pops. As much as I hate America, they make good stuff. Kinda regret what I did to my uncle earlier today. Will make up for it tomorrow by not killing someone.

1am and I am fast asleep. I'm in bed like a fat kitten, all snug and cozy. Sweet dreams guys!