George W. Bush - My Fake Diary

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

Someone is putting up freeway signs with my picture on them, asking everyone if they miss me yet.

Of course everyone misses me! They all loved me. They would have given me four more years in office if it had been legal.

Sometimes, I wonder about some strange stuff. Did belly buttons give dryer manufacturers the idea for the lint trap? Why do they call it the lint trap? Why not just call it the dryer's belly button? The Secret Service agents just look at me funny when I ask questions like that.

I wonder if they miss being in Washington. I know that I do. Washington had a bigger zoo. The only animals we got here are cows, horses, and dogs.

No monkeys. I like looking at the monkeys best. They remind me of President Obama.

Is that racist? I don't care. I'm an Elder Statesman now and am allowed to say racist stuff and get away with it.

Obama is a porch monkey! See, I said it and you can't do nothing about it or wash my mouth out with soap or nothing.

Just don't tell Laura or Mommy, cuz they do wash my mouth out with soap.