Boris Johnson - My Fake Diary

Monday, 23 December 2019

Gosh, crikey, phwoar.

I have just signed more than a hundred copies of my epic spy thriller 72 Virgins, and the epic historical fabrications of The Churchill Factor to the many people I don't really like.

My little hand really hurts now, but I suppose it is what all we serious, professional authors have to do now, isn't it?

Anyway, my old Dad, Stanley, you know, that bloke who was in the Jungle for a while - looks a bit like me, handsome, dapper chappy - anyway, he is coming round later, so I better put the sprouts on. We don't refer to the Brussels part of their name. None of that European bullshit around here these days, young man.