Arsene Wenger - My Fake Diary

Thursday, 16 August 2012

It is over. He is gone. Robin Van Persie. RVP. £24 million. RIP Arsenal. Closure. The beginning of the end. Zee seagulls following zee trawler.

And so, with the transfer negotiated with Manchester United and Alex Ferguson, it is now complete. My career at Arsenal will almost certainly be over. I will sell up and move away from England to somewhere hot like Thailand or Benidorm.

I will grow a beard, like Eric, become a recluse, and drink cocktails at dawn. And if anyone recognises me and asks "ere mate - didn't you used to be Arsene Wenger?" I will take a sip of my 'sex on the beach' turn to him and say "I am sorry - I did not see zee incident"