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Metal Detectorist Detects Himself

Funny story: Metal Detectorist Detects Himself

After a four day manhunt, police in Suffolk discovered distressed Arthur Hann, 61, of Wickambrook wandering around in a circle in a field. Apparently Mr Hann had left home on Monday lunchtime with his metal detector in order to follow his hobby.

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Keegan Donates Kidney to Disabled Fan

Funny story: Keegan Donates Kidney to Disabled Fan

Newcastle Utd, one of the biggest football clubs in the world ever to have suffered such disappointment in a Premier League season, have been buoyed by the selflessness of their manager, the Right Reverend Kevin Keegan.

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Arsene Wenger in Hospital Suffering 'Total loss of Facial Expression'

Funny story: Arsene Wenger in Hospital Suffering 'Total loss of Facial Expression'

Arsenal Football Club, one of the top clubs in Europe and only slightly less big than Newcastle Utd, are in disarray as manager Arsene Wenger is hospitalised for 'the total and complete loss of all facial expression'.

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Florida Invaded by United Kingdom

Funny story: Florida Invaded by United Kingdom

In a shock military move yesterday, Britain's elite special forces, The Special Air Services Forces, annexed the southern state of Florida in the United States.

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Morecambe for Newcastle

Funny story: Morecambe for Newcastle

In a further surprise move Newcastle Utd Managing Director, Christopher Death, has appointed Dennis Morecambe as Chief Assistant Director to the Director of Football, Dennis Wise.

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Rooney for Newcastle

Funny story: Rooney for Newcastle

In a sensational last minute signing just before the transfer deadline, Newcastle Utd have replaced the legendary Alan Shearer with a name that will surely rank among the most famous of them all; tomorrow Rooney will undergo a medical at St James'...

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Micky Horswill Arrested for Being Ugly

Funny story: Micky Horswill Arrested for Being Ugly

Former Sunderland and Man City midfielder Mick Horswill has been arrested and remanded in custody tonight in Sunderland for 'just being too fucking ugly'...

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Freddie Shepherd Signs for Newcastle

Funny story: Freddie Shepherd Signs for Newcastle

In a shock move designed to shore up Newcastle's leaking defence, Kevin Keegan has signed ace centre back Freddie Shepherd (63).

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Kevin Keegan has 'Strange Green Poo'

Funny story: Kevin Keegan has 'Strange Green Poo'

Kevin Keegan, the latest manager of one of the finest and best supported football clubs in the entire world, Newcastle Utd, is reportedly seeing the club doctor this morning after having what he himself has described as 'a strange green poo'.

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Shearer Sings for Geordie Nation

Funny story: Shearer Sings for Geordie Nation

Alan Shearer has revealed a well-kept secret during his talks with Kevin Keegan, pleading for a top job at possibly the greatest football club in the world. The secret? Well namely that he is in fact a professionally-trained opera singer.

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C Diffisule Flatteroidalitis on The Increase

Funny story: C Diffisule Flatteroidalitis on The Increase

The annual footballers bug C Diffisule Flatteroidalitis has hit record levels this January transfer window. Numerous soccer players and an increasing number of their agents have been reported as suffering from the symptoms.

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Avram Grants' Coat Dies

Funny story: Avram Grants' Coat Dies

Chelsea Manager Avram Grant was unavailable for comment tonight after the sudden death of his beloved black overcoat, Alan.

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Sunderland to be Abolished

Funny story: Sunderland to be Abolished

A Bill has been presented to the House of Commons that will have the effect of abolishing the City of Sunderland on the north east coast of England.

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Sixteen Plus Students to Have Qualifications Delivered

Funny story: Sixteen Plus Students to Have Qualifications Delivered

In a new twist to the debate on post sixteen education, students are to have diplomas and certificates delivered to their homes.

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Kevin Keegan Saves Bus Load of Children

Funny story: Kevin Keegan Saves Bus Load of Children

In a horrific incident in the centre of possibly the greatest city in the whole world, Newcastle upon Tyne, a bus load of young children from a nursery school just east of Heaton Manor, overturned and burst into flames. At least fifteen children age...

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Ozzy Osbourne Takes McDonald's Franchise

Funny story: Ozzy Osbourne Takes McDonald's Franchise

Rock superstar and reality TV personality Ozzy Osbourne has surprised fans, friends and family by taking on a McDonald's franchise in Consett, County Durham.

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114, 000 see Shearer Arrange Flowers

Funny story: 114, 000 see Shearer Arrange Flowers

114,000 Geordies packed into St James Park, Newcastle - probably one of the greatest football stadiums in the entire world, last Thursday to see legendary goal scorer Alan Shearer give an outstanding demonstration of flower arranging.

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Keegan Sacked for Farting

Funny story: Keegan Sacked for Farting

Kevin Keegan was sensationally sacked as NUFC Manager tonight for farting in the foyer of St James's Park.

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Breaking news…

Sales blames ring for illness

Boston Red Sox baseball player "Lefty" Sales said his cock ring made him sick. "It turned my penis green," he said. "My girlfriend paid for gold, but obviously, the jeweler sold her brass."
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