Written by Cobden Stewart
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Friday, 18 January 2008

image for Kevin Keegan Saves Bus Load of Children
Newcastle Utd Fans Adore Kevin

In a horrific incident in the centre of possibly the greatest city in the whole world, Newcastle upon Tyne, a bus load of young children from a nursery school just east of Heaton Manor, overturned and burst into flames. At least fifteen children aged from 3 to 5 were on the bus. Fortunately a passer by, Mr Kevin Keegan, was passing in his Range Rover 9.8 Litre Sport.

"I've never seen anything like it in my entire life" commented Miss Anita Buckle of Broadarse Close, Heaton.

"Kevin pulled up and dived into the bus just as it took fire. He pulled two kids out straight away. Then, without as much as a thought for his own safety, he went back in again! I couldn't believe it and neither could the other five guys watching with Newcastle Utd shirts on. He passed out three more kids then smashed the glass on the windscreen to help out some more. One kid was hysterical and Kevin hugged him until the emergency services arrived"

Mr Keegan pulled all the children to safety and administered the kiss of life to Mr Brian Faggard, a Newcastle Utd fan who had fainted, before the Fire Brigade arrived.

Mr Faggard reportedly remarked, "Thank you Kevin I'll never wash my face again…I love you darling" Before being taken off to the Royal Victoria Infirmary. Mr Keegan was embraced by several Geordie fire fighters before driving off in his Range Rover 9.8 Litre Sport.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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