Written by Cobden Stewart
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Thursday, 17 January 2008

image for 114, 000 see Shearer Arrange Flowers
Newcastle Fans Loved The Display

114,000 Geordies packed into St James Park, Newcastle - probably one of the greatest football stadiums in the entire world, last Thursday to see legendary goal scorer Alan Shearer give an outstanding demonstration of flower arranging.

The atmosphere was electric as Alan trotted to the centre of the pitch where a long rectangular table was laid out with a beautiful glass vase at its centre. Alan circled with intent, jockeying for best position before the crowd erupted as he selected a piece of green water resistant foam and inserted it into the glass vase.

"It's IN!!" screamed a rough Geordie as Alan stood back to admire the placement of the foam, arm raised to the crowd.

Next Alan selected two Fatsia leaves and slotted them into position before anyone could catch a breath. There followed a swift insertion of several sprigs of variegated Euonymus, some plain foliage from Prunus Iustanica and three Gerbera were in the vase before anyone in the crowd could blink. There was some concern as Alan went down with what appeared to be a tight hamstring. After treatment Alan stood up once again to a great cheer and continued with the display.

There were gasps of amazement as Alan circled the table. In a flash two sprays of Chrysanthemums were perfectly in place and Alan seemed satisfied. The flowers looked gorgeous and Alan trotted gently around the centre circle to cries of 'Shearer!,Shearer!, Shearer!'.

At the close of this event a prize draw was held to win Alan's display. This was won by Mr Susan Particle of Wallsend.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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