Written by Duff
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Topics: Reality TV, DIY, Luvvies

Tuesday, 2 January 2007

image for Dancing In The Aisles
Is this the future for the DIY Superstore?

A DIY giant has been rapped by trade unions for getting prospective employees to sing, dance and generally act the fool as part of their interview process.

B&Q have said that it is in direct response to the trend TV reality shows like Airline etc. A spokesman for the company told us:

"You never know when the BBC or ITV will come knocking on the door and suggest doing a 'fly on the wall' series about a DIY Superstore, so we want our staff to be ready.

"From now on instead of using employment agencies to recruit staff, we intend to switch the emphasis onto theatrical agents. We believe that this will give us the calibre of staff that we need luvvie"

The Spoof would have to say that any visit to a DIY Superstore is already akin to visiting a theatre anyway. You try getting a member of staff to help you; it's as if they are all magicians involved in practicing their disappearing acts. There's none of them to be found anywhere.

An employee at the Norwich store who wished to remain anonymous told us:

"Ah yes luvvie. I remember being in panto in Huddersfield. The show was fine but the digs and grub were dreadful love! Absolutely dreadful!"

When we asked him to direct us to tongue and groove flooring he just looked at us and said:

"I haven't a bloody clue loves. Sorry"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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