Written by President Bush
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Friday, 8 December 2006

image for American Idiot Premiers on FOX
This contestant was just asked for his name in the green room...

Move over American Idol. Clay, Carrie, Kelly? You rock hard but FOX claims that their American Idiot rocks even HARDER and is fact going to make the lot of you seem like 4th runner-ups in the Road Kill Georgia Jr High School spelling bee. One FOX programming executive explaining American Idiot said, "Imagine a cross between American Idol, Green Acres, The Price is Right and the Jerry Springer show .. you've got American Idiot Chu CHING?!"

Part game show, part talent competition, part Jeh-REE Jeh-REE Jeh-REE, each week the show's FOX "talent" scouts scour the country (mostly the trailer parks of the deep south) in their quest to find who THEY believe could be the biggest gall durn'ed idiot in the United States of America. Luckily they don't have to look far. Reporters were given a sneak peak at an excerpt from the show's pilot episode ..

"I .. I got picked Bettie Lou" one American Idiot contestant from Little Rock Arkansas proudly chose as his answer when asked what he thought about the geo-sociological epiological ramifications were of a potential bi-tri-lateral dialog with the nation of North Korea.

Another contestant, called down from the audience by Bob Barker himself responded with, when asked what is his greatest life accomplishment ..

"Bob I once't figured out .. figured out that that "I Can't Believe it's not BUTTER" is .. I figured this out myself mind you, I figured out it AIN'T BUTTER just like the label says. Tastes like BUTTER though 'specially on a hot bowl of grits 'n Spam though sometimes we run low on the Spam part Bob in which case 'et al 'al we have to POUR on those Bacon bits instead. If we have 'em which most times we don't do I win? Bob?"

Once 4 contestants are selected they are brought up on stage to further humiliate themselves in front of an audience of millions, the show turning then into a replica of the Springer show. Daniel Perkins of FOX explains ..

"We then not only ask the idiots simple questions that far exceed their intellectual capacity to answer but also bring out cheating spouse's or ex-hoe's or ex-pimp's that's when the fireworks REALLY begin to fly as the idiot contestant is not only trying to answer "Who's the first president" but simultaneously trying to think, vent his rage AND fend off off blows from his baby momma's mama's daddy who left his pimp's drug dealer's hoe's mama for a transvestite lesbian POODLE who .."

American Idiot. Check your local listings.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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