Written by KendoMonkey
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Topics: Building, DIY

Friday, 24 November 2006

image for Stud finder finds stud in wall
Screw this into a wall

Mark Armond, 34 and a hairdresser by day, was shocked today by the results of using a tool which had heretofore never affected his day to day hammering.

The stud-finder which his mother-in-law bought him five Christmasses ago has, to his knowledge, always not worked. Indeed, before hanging shelves, cupboards and even pictures, Mark would use the device in order to ensure that he wasn't about to drill into a pipe or the electrics, just as a way of ensuring the lawyers would be on his side. However, until now, Mark (and the rest of us) wasn't aware that...well, that it did work:

"It was awesome. I just slid it across the area where I planned to drill and *beep!* off it went! I was shocked and a little angry. How dare this thing tell me I can't drill here?! However, I soon calmed down and thought about it. That's when I contacted the press."

Mark's shock, and indeed ours, is that these devices actually do function as promised.

"It was weird that after all this time I just kind of assumed that it didn't actually do anything and was maybe just a box with a twinkling LED. We got a builder in to strip the wall completely and there it was - a water pipe right where the stud finder said it would be. Marvellous!"

Sales of stud finders are set to increase this week after this startling revelation. "Studz-r-uz", a leading stud finder company, has found its share prices on the LSE have risen 18 points in the last 24 hours and many analysts expect it to rise further.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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