Hollywood Starlets and media darlings Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Madonna, Paula Abdul, Shakira, and several others have all agreed to appear on the new television reality series "The Great American Skank-off." The women will compete in contest to determine the biggest skank in America. Prizes will include one million dollars and free penicillin, KY jelly, and Trojan condoms for life. Each week, the lowest vote getter will be removed from the show until only one contestant remains.
Other non-celebrity participants will include Laverne Hodges (a trailer park resident and prostitute from Toad Suck, Arkansas), Lacey Curds (a lot lizard from St. Louis), and Bunny Helmsdale (a cheerleader from Ohio State, who is most famous for wearing panties that say "The Buckeyes play here" on the crotch), and Tiffany Small (a sorority president from Radcliffe, who said that she "only puts out for law school students").
The first week of the series, contestants will be required to visit trendy nightclubs in Las Vegas and see who can flash the most crotch shots while not wearing any panties. Oddsmakers have given Britney the edge on this one, due to experience in the city, saying that she may win by a hair.
Other events of that first episode will include the contestants having to list all of their one night (and one hour or less) stands of the past month. One point will be given to each verifiable sexual encounter. Paris would have been the favorite for this, butt handicappers are not sure whether or not she bothers to get names first.
A third contest will try to determine which actress can best fake an orgasm. As Madonna, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and the other celebrities are all known for being terrible actresses, the Las Vegas betting experts recommend that viewers go with one of the non-celebrities if they are putting any money on this competition.
The first episode of this un-edited series will air this weekend on HBO. Due to the graphic nature of the show, producers felt that it was not appropriate for network television. Within three hours of announcing the competition, HBO discovered that it had increased subscribers by 13%. They report that this number continues to grow and get closer to the target of 69%.
The Reverend Jesse Jackson was upset and said that he will be issuing an official denounciation of the show as no black skanks were invited to participate.