Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Friday, 18 September 2009

(New Canaan-CT) Recent "Time Magazine" cover man Glenn Beck is denying that he has "affection or any other perverse emotion" for Rachel Maddow after it was revealed that the pugnacious radio and TV talk show host had compromising pictures of fellow talk show host Maddow on his home computer.

It began when Beck brought his home computer to CPR Computer Care in his hometown of New Canaan. "This guy came in with a buzz cut and a really whiny voice complaining his computer wasn't working. But it booted up okay. I told him that," said technician Josh Oliva." Beck then became agitated. "The dude went off, saying things like 'What type of Obama-ination are you?' I was ready to throw the guy out. Then my bud comes over to me and whispers in my ear, 'That's Beck.' And I'm like 'Dude, when did he get so fat?' Then he told me it was Glenn Beck, whoever that is."

Oliva then said that Beck demanded his hard drive be replaced because "it's not working like Obama's birth certificate scam." Oliva removed the hard drive and replaced it with a new one. He asked if Beck wanted the old drive. As Oliva tells it, "He yelled something I might be able to hear if I was like a Schnauzer, and he bolts out with his computer."

It was upon inspection of the drive files that Oliva found the images of Maddow mixed among a folder that had 50 recipes for S'mores. The pictures were in a subfolder titled "Num-Num". They apparently were taken with a telephoto lens and showed Maddow sunbathing in Martha's Vineyard as well as sun tan lotion being applied to Maddow's back by her partner Susan Mikula. Oliva posted the photos on his blog along with how he came about them and where, and it was there that they were discovered by TMZ.com.

Initially Beck ignored claims the pictures were his, but yesterday he felt the need to address the accusations of his possible infatuation with "such a foe woman. Get it, foe, faux?" Beck stated, "If those photos were in fact on my drive, they wouldn't make it very hard. I don't need Rachel Maddow to get me hot and bothered. For that, all I have to do is look at the points of Obamacare."

Rachel Maddow refused to directly address the issue on her show saying, "There has been some talk lately about pictures of moi on a certain crew cut talk show host's computer. True or not, we must focus on what matters. That being, you may have the pictures, but you'll never have me."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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