Chicago - What started as a trickle has turned into a flood. Americans are adrift in a sea of Communist art. "Our purple mountains are being eroded by red waves," said Joe Smith. Smith says he became aware of the Communist plot to destroy America after watching Glenn Beck. "I didn't know Rockefeller Center was evil - but it makes sense. I mean "rock" is in the title and rock and roll is the devil's music - Elvis Presley is after our virtuous women."
Smith concedes he was never much of art connoisseur but has recently taken up the hobby. "I generally ignored the stuff you know - because it's for sissies and know it alls."
Smith says his interest in art has piqued, although he refuses to go to art museums. "That would be supporting the pinko sympathizers. I just look stuff up on Wikipedia."
The information he found on Wikipedia led Smith to a stunning conclusion about one of American's most well known paintings.
Grant Wood's "American Gothic" has become a symbol for US culture. The classic image shows a farming couple standing in front of a cottage, the man is holding a pitchfork and the woman is dressed in plain clothes decorated with flowers.
Many believe the painting represents American values of hard work and modesty - but not Smith. "First off the man is holding a pitchfork which is clearly a reference to Satan. The woman - from her perspective - is looking to the left. Left is the direction of liberalism and all things ending in "ism." Smith added, "You don't see democracyism do you?"
Smith believes "American Gothic" is ripe with Communist imagery. "Just look at the man's head - he's bald." When asked to clarify Smith said, "Communists ration everything, even hair."
Smith says he's putting together a petition to have the piece removed from the gallery at The Art Institute of Chicago. He admits it will be difficult. "If they won't take it down and burn it then they should at least change the name. "Gothic" means vampires and vampires are bloodsuckers just like that commie Rockefeller." Smith suggested a better name might be "Soviet Frankenstein."