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Trump Tweets That Global Warming is Hillary and Obama's Fault

"Once we recognize the REAL culprits behind global warming the sooner we can move on" tweeted Trump.

Trump Visits Great Wall of China, Suggests They Install Solar Panels

"The Mexicans want us to put my Trumpco Solar Panels on their wall" claimed Trump.

Trump Bans Guns for Democrats

"Democrats will want to use guns once they see the programs we have planned," admitted Trump.

Trump to Ban Periodic Table of Elements

"Everyone wants to have an element named Trumpium, and until there is, the table is tabled!" -Trump

Trump Bans Ghettos

"I think all the poverty, the crime and drug dealing is in the ghetto so we are banning ghettos."

Chinese toothpick plague!

Chinese kids have caused a dental plague in China by shooting used toothpicks with toothpick crossbows! The disease is spreading rapidly because Chinese adults cannot pick their teeth anymore!

Comey Firing Blamed on Auto-Correct

"I couldn't allow some commie to lead the Feral Burro of Instigation!" tweeted El Bendejo in all caps.

D List Comedian Kathy Griffin Finds New Gig in Remote Venue

Griffin scored what looks like a perma-gig in Nontetepapandia- former French African colony. Kathster will serve,Salome-like, as slave to the King, serving up roasted heads for court consumption.

Trump Denies Existence of Comey Tapes

"Who uses tapes any more?" he asked. "USB sticks are where it's at!"

Trump Says He Will Re-Join the Paris Climate Control Agreement on One Condition

"When it is renamed the Trump Climate Control Agreement, the U.S. will join again," said Trump.

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